


Memories aren’t always good

by protectmichaelmell240



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Galra Keith (Voltron), Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lance is clueless, M/M, Menstration, Team Bonding, all of them are a mess, bonding moment references, if u don’t like hearing about periods then don’t read, keith has cramps, sorry I just really like that hc, trans! keith
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:39:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectmichaelmell240/pseuds/protectmichaelmell240
Summary: Basically just drabbles with Trans! Keith, except not because it’s all one storyline.OrKeith has a troubling past. Maybe his emo-ness is for a reason.I suck at summaries help





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, my name is Katie, and this is my story now. I might just be projecting a little bit with cramps. Also season five is almost here whoop whoop. I haven’t done a multi chapter fic in awhile. This should be fun. It might also be a little ooc

Keith was very aware of the overwhelming darkness surrounding him. He gasped for air, like a fish out of water, and tried to regain his breath.

Not only was he having nightmares, he was getting cramps during said nightmares. Quite the combination.

He clutched his stomach uselessly, as if that would help the throbbing pain.

Keith rolled over and groaned. Of course, he had training the next day. So, he tried to get back to sleep, even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to.

He flopped onto the mattress with another groan. Of all weeks, Mother Nature decides to punish him during his heavy training week. He would have to train with nearly everyone, with the exception of Coran.

There was no way to get testosterone in space, so Keith was dealing with _everything_.

He wanted someone to come pick him up. Someone to come help him, to hold him. To rub his stomach, or refill his water bottle.

It was only the second day.

Keith stared at the ceiling and counted to twenty. When no one came to get him, he got up.

It was kind of stupid to think that someone would come get him in the middle of the night. Why? What reason would they have to be in Keith’s room that late at night?

Keith kept one hand braced against the bed, and one hand clutched to his stomach. After another twenty or so seconds, he grabbed his water bottle, and stumbled towards the kitchen. The hallways were dark, the silence was deafening.

His ears rang furiously. What time was it, anyway? Would he have to wake up soon?

Keith sure hoped not. He didn’t think he could deal with that. He could already imagine the feeling of his sword, heavy in his hand.

The hallway seemed to last for miles, even though Keith knew that wasn’t true.

He tentatively took steps, as if he would wake someone up if he was too loud. Even so, the sound of his feet clopping onto the ground echoed through the hall. Keith cringed every time he walked.

The kitchen was the same as always, a little messy, but big. And intimidating at night.

Keith leaned heavily against the table, clinging desperately to his stomach. It wouldn’t stop. Keith knew this.

The sharp pain intensified, and Keith just sat on the floor. There was no point in standing when it was this bad. He sat there, the smooth feeling of the floor felt nice against him.

Keith distantly could hear footsteps, slowly drawing closer to where he was. He hoped the person was just going to the bathroom or something, and that they would pass right by. If they came into the kitchen, Keith would have to explain. He was no good at explaining, especially not while in pain.

With Keith’s luck, he knew that wouldn’t happen. Of course it didn’t.

It was Lance, he was stretching and walking into the kitchen. Keith didn’t want to know what time it was, or why Lance was up at probably three A.M.

Keith wanted to go back to bed. He longed for his covers, his pillow. He wished that this would all be over soon, even though he knew it wouldn’t be.

He hated who he was born as.

Ever since he was little, Keith could tell there was something different about him. He never wanted to play dolls or dress up like the other girls.

Keith wanted to play with cars, and in the mud. He wanted to collect bugs, and he wanted to play with blocks.

His parents didn’t know what to do with him.

His mother was most likely dead, unless she was somewhere in the galaxy fighting with the galra.

Keith’s father gave him up to foster care, and of course, even in the system Keith got the short end of the stick.

Keith had been to around six homes, some better than the others, but most were bad. From the mothers who favored their own children over their foster ones, to the name calling ones. Some were even hitting ones.

Keith sat alone on the floor, even though Lance was moving through the kitchen. Keith sat, not making a sound. If he didn’t move, maybe Lance would just leave and walk right on by.

His abdomen throbbed, and his nightmare was still lingering in the back of his mind. So far in the back, that he almost forgot about it. Almost.

Of course he couldn’t stay still. He had to shift in some way, in order to be comfortable, or in less pain.

Lance had ears, so he could hear the noise.

“Who’s there?” He whisper-yelled.

It was cute.

That was another thing. Keith had been nursing a crush on the blue paladin ever since team Voltron had formed.

Armed with a spatula, lord knows where he got _that_ , he paced around the room.

Keith tried his best to slide under the table. It didn’t exactly work. He ended up with one knee hugged to his chest, and the other stretched out.

Lance, being the idiot he is, tripped over Keith’s leg, and tumbled to the floor. The spatula went flying, hitting Keith on his chest. Wonderful.

Lance was trying to recollect himself, he peeked his head up from the floor.

Their eyes met.

“Keith?” He whispered. “What the fuck are you doing up at four in the morning?”

Keith shrugged, and instantly regretted it. He grit his teeth and clutched his abdomen tighter.

“Couldn’t sleep. What are _you_ doing?” Keith switched conversation away from him.

“Getting some water. Why would you go to the kitchen if you couldn’t sleep?”

Lance was too inquisitive. Keith could feel his eye twitching. He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his skin. Keith knew when he removed his hands, there would be little crescent shaped marks indented there.

“I’m just,” he clenched tighter, hoping the pain in his hands could be more painful than the sharp pain in his abdomen. “I needed to refill my water bottle.”

Lance quirked an eyebrow. “So… why are you on the floor then? That doesn’t make sense.”

Stupid Lance and his _stupid questions._ Keith couldn’t catch a break with him.

“I uh. I dropped my water bottle, so I went to go find it. Still haven’t,” Keith easily lied.

He hated that about himself. How he could lie easily, and be convincing. Keith hated tricking his teammates, but he wasn’t ready to tell Lance, not yet at least.

Keith half expected Lance to leave. What he did not expect, was Lance turning and sitting right next to him.

Which, of course, made Keith uncomfortable. So he scooted away and pretended not to see the offended look on Lance’s face. It wasn’t personal, Keith just wasn’t a people person, _especially_ not now.

Keith didn’t want to start a conversation. What would he even say?

Luckily, he didn’t have to.

“Do you ever miss earth?” Lance asked.

Keith shrugged. Big mistake, his abdomen throbbed. “Sometimes,” he choked out.

Lance turned to him. “You alright?”

Keith turned away. He stared at the smooth floor. “I’m fine. Do _you_ ever miss earth?”

Lance didn’t miss a beat. “All the time. Does your stomach hurt?”

Shit. “A little. I’m fine.”

Lance snorted at that. “Clearly not. I’m not an idiot, Keith. What’s wrong?”

Keith had a few options. He could a) come out, b) say his stomach hurts because of something else, or c) keep telling Lance that he was fine.

“I’m really okay, you don’t need to worry about me,” Keith chose option C easily.

Lance sighed. “You don’t have to do that, you know.”

Keith tilted his head. “Do what?”

Lance laughed bitterly. “Put your walls up. Keith, I know your stomach hurts, you don’t have to lie to me.”

Keith still turned away. “How do you know?”

“For starters, you’re sitting on the ground, clutching your stomach. You probably came to the kitchen to get water so that you might feel a little better.”

Keith tried to prevent himself from turning away, but it was hard. It was difficult to not put his walls back up, or to lie.

“Okay, so my stomach hurts. That’s not really a big deal,” Keith said.

Lance looked skeptical. “If you’re sure.”

Neither of them really knew where to go from there. The conversation was pretty much over, at least it was from Keith’s perspective.

“What is your family like?” Lance asked.

Was he being serious? Keith, of course, didn’t have a family. He was just moved from shitty foster parents to even more shitty foster parents.

Until he grew out of the system and applied at the galaxy garrison.

But, Keith supposed he could tell Lance what he remembered about his father.

“My father, he was a good parent. He had a temper, at times, but overall, he wasn’t a bad person.”

Lance chuckled. “Now I know where you get your temper from.”

Not exactly. Keith was pretty sure most of his temper was from mood swings.

Keith couldn’t give too much information about his childhood, he didn’t want to get into that.

Or school. School was a sensitive topic for Keith. The Garrison wasn’t as bad as some of the other schools Keith was forced into, but it still wasn’t great.

“What about your mother? What’s she like?” Lance asked.

Keith inwardly cringed. What could he say about his mother? Was there anything _to_ say? Keith had never met the woman.

“My mother. I’ve never- we’re pretty sure that she- sorry it’s just that she’s most likely- um- dead.”

Keith could feel his voice going higher with every word. Which, he hated, because then it sounded like he sounded a few years ago.

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Keith didn’t have his knife, so he couldn’t try it at the moment, but he would’ve just to prove his point.

The worst part was the way Lance looked at him. The way Lance pitied him. Keith would always get pity wherever he went, it was just a fact. He didn’t need pity, though. He didn’t ask for any of this. He didn’t want his mother to die, or his father to leave.

Keith didn’t want the life he was given.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“How could you have known?”

“I don’t know- I’m just… sorry I guess.”

Keith turned to him, immediately regretting it, but grit his teeth through the pain. “Don’t walk on eggshells around me. I’ve had enough pity for one lifetime, I don’t need more.”

Lance just looked at him.

Keith thought he would get up and leave.

Surprise surprise, he didn’t.

“I don’t know what has happened to you throughout your life, but you don’t need to hide from me. Or from any of the other team members. We all have our problems, our personal fears and insecurities. No one here will judge you, not me, not Shiro, not _anyone_.”

Okay. Well.

That was not what Keith was expecting. Lance usually was all joking, no seriousness. Now, he seemed the opposite of that.

“Thanks, Lance. I think I needed that,” Keith whispered.

Lance’s demeanor changed into his classic smirk. “No problem. Here’s your water bottle. We should both get back to sleep, with training and everything going on tomorrow.”

He handed Keith his water bottle. Keith hesitantly took it.

Lance left after that.

Keith slowly walked to fill up his water bottle. His cramps had stopped hurting as much as they were. Which was good.

Why was Lance being so nice to him all of a sudden? They were rivals, sure Keith wasn’t on the team anymore, but that shouldn’t change anything. Was it just because no one else was around?

Keith’s head was spinning. He made his way back to his room, plopping down on the bed.

The morning came early, he might as well try to get some sleep.

Before he fully fell asleep, he thought one last thing.

_Maybe coming out isn’t so bad after all. At least not to the team._

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Count of people who know: 1
> 
> Is it so bad?: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, guess who’s back after a month of nothing!! It’s me. Sorry for the late updates, school has been really busy. So, I wrote this all today, and not gonna lie, I’m pretty proud of how this chapter turned out. 
> 
> Before we start, here are some trigger warnings for this chapter. If any of these apply to you, please don’t read the chapter, there will be a recap at the end of what happend. 
> 
> Tigger warnings:  
> Unsafe binding  
> Abuse, physical/mental  
> Talk of binding  
> Negative thoughts

The next morning, the whole team sat together for breakfast before training. Shiro was about to go over what they were going to do.

Keith didn’t feel the best. His cramps went away, but now he just felt… bad. Not necessarily his stomach, or his head, it was just a dull throb all over. He was _not_ looking forward to training.

“So, first we’re going to do our stretches, because stretching is important, we don’t want to hurt our muscles. Then we’re going to do a team exercise, so we learn to watch each other’s backs. After, we do hand to hand combat. Finally, we are going to do team bonding,” Shiro listed off on his fingers.

Sounded like absolute hell.

Keith hated team bonding, it was probably just them sitting in a room together while Lance, Pidge, and Hunk joked around with each other. Not fun for anyone. Especially when Shiro made them share things about themselves.

What would Keith even _say_? ‘Hello, I’m Keith, but you already knew that of course. I like to have bad leadership skills and a temper.’

That wouldn’t exactly cut it.

Shiro would be so disgusted with him if he said that, so Keith would just stay away from that area of his mind.

Not like he had the ability to block his thoughts, he would just ignore them, and not act upon them.

Keith made his way back to his room to get changed into workout clothes. He brought his knife along with him.

The knife didn’t feel right in his hand, maybe it was because of his hand aching, maybe he just felt like a sword today. So the knife slowly transformed into a sword.

Keith was still confused as of how the knife did that. Could the knife sense how he felt? Was it magic?

Keith scoffed at himself. It wasn’t magic. That was a stupid idea. Magic was definitely not what he was working with here. It was advanced technology or something.

Why did that even _matter_? Who cared how his knife did what it did?

Keith needed to focus. He knew he needed to. Shiro would be upset with him if he didn’t, and Keith really didn’t want Shiro on his back at the moment.

He grabbed all of his stuff, and went down to the training deck.

He wasn’t the last one there, which was just his luck. He didn’t want the team waiting for him. It put too much pressure on him on a normal day, he didn’t think he could deal with that today.

His legs were tired, his arms ached, his torso felt weird. It was that borderline uncomfortable pain, it wasn’t quite painful, but it was noticeable and annoying.

And, on top of that, he forgot to take off his binder. He knew that he couldn’t exercise with it on, but if he slipped away now that would draw too much attention. He had forgot about it while he was back in his room.

He would just go easy on everyone. Not too hard to pull off, right?

Wrong.

The team was doing dynamic stretches, which was fine, Keith could do that pretty easily. They spent about ten minutes stretching. Shiro really didn’t want anyone pulling a muscle or straining a muscle.

With his binder on, though, Keith couldn’t stretch as far as he usually could. He couldn’t reach his toes, however, no one seemed to notice.

Once they were done stretching, Keith knew he couldn’t do it. First activity was a teamwork exercise. Shiro had set them up so they were back to back with each other, in a pentagon.

They had to step away one by one, and the rest had to close ranks. All while being attacked by drones. They had to communicate who was stepping away when, then who would close the ranks.

Keith was positioned between Pidge and Lance. Hunk was next to Pidge, Shiro was next to Lance. When everyone was ready, the drones were released.

Everything from there pretty much went to shit. Not in terms of the teamwork, they were doing good with all of that. Everyone had good communication, the ranks were being closed. Drones were being slashed by swords and shot by guns.

Everything was shut for Keith. He couldn’t breathe too well. His chest was being compressed, meaning that his lung capacity was less than normal.

He was going last, apparently, because everyone seemed to want to jump right out of the circle.

He certainly didn’t want to.

At first, Hunk stepped up. Shiro and Pidge closed ranks, while Hunk shot a few drones long distance. When he retreated back to the circle, Pidge and Shiro opened the circle back up to let him back in.

That was how this was going to work.

Lance stepped away second. Keith closed ranks with Shiro. Lance didn’t run too much, he was a sharpshooter, after all. He just took a few steps away from the circle, aimed, and shot a few drones.

Keith and Shiro quickly let him back into the circle. Keith swore that he saw Lance wink at him as he retreated. What a flirt.

Next, Shiro went. He used his robotic arm, running from drone to drone, punching them. It was a robotic blur. Hunk and Lance closed ranks. They were doing pretty well. Keith couldn’t breathe too well, but he would manage.

Shiro ran back, and just as he entered the circle, Pidge was gone. She was extremely fast. She ran and ran, a green blur. Her short bayard was used for close combat, she had to run fast.

As soon as she started, she ran back to the ranks. Keith opened the circle for her to run back in.

She entered the circle, Keith waited a beat, then he was off like a bullet. He also had to be fast, his sword was also a close combat weapon. Everything seemed to move in slow motion, he couldn’t breathe, but he ran anyway. He couldn’t let the team down.

He went back and forth, slashing, spinning, and running. He was probably out there longer than he needed to be. He kept going anyway. Soon enough, the drones stopped coming.

Keith stopped moving. The whole team was looking at him. He couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning.

He sat down. His lungs wouldn’t cooperate. He felt someone’s hand on his back, he felt people touching him.

He pushed them away, whoever it was. He didn’t want to be touched. His vision was blurry, he felt lightheaded.

He couldn’t breathe. People were yelling. He did that. He made them mad.

Keith couldn’t deal with it. His head was spinning, he heard something about ice. Everything was numb, he couldn’t feel, he couldn’t see.

He lost all senses. He felt like he was floating.

The next thing he knew, he could only feel darkness.

——————————————————————

_He was sitting in a chair, in one of his old houses. One of the seven. They were talking to him. Each had a different excuse._

_“We have to take you back,” one said._

_“It’s too expensive, we didn’t know what we were in for,” another explained._

_“This is too much for us.”_

_“You’ll find a home one day, it’s just not here.”_

_“We wanted a daughter, not a son.”_

_“I love you, but I can’t do this anymore._ ”

_All of the mothers and fathers that Keith had ever had. They sat before him. They were taking him back. They were putting him back into the system._

_He was unlovable. They hated him. He wouldn’t find a home, or a family._

_Everyone left him one day or another._

_He deserved what he got._

_Why couldn’t he just be normal?_

_——————————————————_ ————-

_He fell from the chair, and suddenly he was in the kitchen. At night. The night he broke a plate._

_He was fourteen, right in the middle of his transition. His family wouldn’t pay for T, but he cut his hair and bought himself a binder._

_He stared down at the broken plate, and he heard his foster mom coming down the stairs._

_His hand was cut on the plate. There was blood on the floor._

_His foster mom came over to him. Keith couldn’t face her, he couldn’t look up._

_“Keiara, did you do this?”_

_Keith didn’t answer._

_“Keiara, answer me when I talk to you. Did you break this plate?”_

_Keith looked at the floor._

_The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the floor, a hand print painted across his face._

“ _You broke our plate, you greedy little bitch. You took our food. You already eat too much.”_

_Keith sat there, in the broken glass. He could feel it stabbing into his skin. He couldn’t find it in himself to care._

——————————————————————-

_Keith remembers when he got the letter in the mail. Applications for the galaxy garrison._

_He had always felt trapped on earth. Even when he was outside in the fresh summer air, or on top of the highest mountains. He felt enclosed. Like a pet lizard._

_He sent in his application. He thought he wouldn’t get in._

_He had no volunteer hours, had terrible grades, and terrible attitude._

_He still wonders why they even considered him._

_So when he got that wonderful letter, the one he was so scared to open, he nearly fainted._

_When he saw congratulations at the top, he fell out of his chair._

_He spent the rest of the day running around the house, of course while no one was home._

_He couldn’t afford it, but they were giving him a scholarship. Lord only knew why._

_When he told his foster parents, they were happy for him. They were happy that he was leaving, that they got their lives back._

_Keith couldn’t give less of a shit._

_He made it, he found his escape._

_——————————————————_ ————-

The next thing Keith felt was falling. He was falling. Then, he hit the ground.

Keith groaned. Why did he hurt so much?

He looked at his hand. No cut from the plate. At least, no fresh cut from the plate.

He still had a scar from it.

But it was just a dream. A crazy intense nightmare that felt like real life.

He looked up to see the healing pods. Right. Training. He was definitely looking forward to that conversation with the team. He let them down. They would probably kick him out.

_No, they wouldn’t do that. They’re not like that,_ Keith’s mind screamed.

The hall was empty. Did something happen? Usually there would be boisterous noise. Unless they were on a mission. Or on the other side of the castle.

Keith stood up. It hurt. His muscles ached.

He was wearing a hospital gown. That meant that…

Someone had seen him. Someone knows. All of them know.

He shouldn’t have trained with his binder on. It was incredibly stupid. What did he think was going to happen? Did he think that everything would be all sunshine and rainbows?

Keith really hated himself sometimes.

_Forget regret, or life is yours to miss._

The inevitable Rent quotes running through his head didn’t solve anything. It was good advice, too bad Keith would never follow it.

He roamed the halls, looking for someone. Any of the team members. He hoped that he ran into Pidge or Hunk first. Keith didn’t think he could face Lance or Shiro. Allura and Coran probably wouldn’t know what’s going on.

Keith looked everywhere. The training deck, their rooms. He checked the dining hall, and the control room.

He was saving the lounge for last, most likely because the team was there. Keith was stalling. He didn’t know what he would say to them. Would they be rude to him? Would they kick him out of the castle? Would they leave him?

Keith didn’t think he could handle anyone else leaving him.

He had checked the whole castle besides the lounge now, he had to go check in there. He made his way, taking as many shortcuts as possible.

Nerves shot up his body, he felt nauseous. He couldn’t do this.

He thought about turning around. Going back to his room. Letting them find him. Giving up.

He knew what he had to do.

He walked up to the door. He stood there for a few seconds, collected himself, and stepped through the threshold.

The entire team sat in there, just like Keith predicted. Lance and Hunk were playing cards, Pidge sat fiddling with some technological thing. Shiro talked to Allura and Coran.

They looked up to him standing there.

He blinked, and then someone was hugging him. Keith wasn’t one for physical contact, but he knew it was Hunk.

He felt people piling onto the hug, and soon enough, the entire team was around him.

“We were all so worried, man,” Hunk said.

Keith nodded. “I’m sorry.”

Lance froze. “Why are _you_ sorry? You’re the one who passed out!”

Keith looked down at the floor. “I know, I don’t know. Sorry for being a weak link?”

“What are you _talking_ about? You’re literally the strongest one here!” Lance exclaimed.

“Yeah, you’re not weak,” Pidge cut in.

They broke the hug.

“Thanks.”

“But you _are_ an idiot!” She slapped his arm.

Keith nodded.

The rest of them slowly went back to whatever they were doing before. Pidge took him aside.

“Why the _hell_ would you go to training in a binder?” She whisper-yelled.

“I forgot to take it off.”

“So you just said ‘fuck it, I’m gonna screw up my lungs’?”

Keith looked at her. “I thought it would draw too much attention.”

“You couldn’t just say that you had to go to the bathroom?” She asked.

“It’s not that easy!” Keith snapped.

Pidge flinched back.

Keith put his head in his hands. “Sorry- I just- sorry, I can’t help myself sometimes- I’m so sorry.”

“Keith, it’s fine,” she mumbled.

“It’s really not, I should be able to control myself like that.”

“You know the team won’t mind that you’re trans. They didn’t mind when I said so.”

“That’s different. You were trying to find your brother. You didn’t actually want to be a boy,” Keith sighed.

“Yeah, that’s true. They still would accept you.”

“Don’t they already know?” Keith asked.

Pidge shook her head. “I told them you were dehydrated. I changed you out of your binder and put you in the healing pod. They have no idea.”

“You did that for me?”

“Well, it would’ve been a shitty way to come out, you know,” she laughed.

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do that.”

She sighed. “I know. But I did. Don’t feel bad, it was my choice. If I wanted to, I could’ve let them find out for themselves. Just- don’t wear a binder for the next few days. Wear a sports bra or something. Nothing too constricting.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

She stalked away to go work on some technology thing.

So one person knew.

It wasn’t too bad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I hope you enjoyed! Here’s a recap of what happened:  
> -the paladins go to training  
> -Keith forgets to take of his binder  
> -he faints and gets put into a healing pod  
> -while in the healing pod, he dreams of his old foster homes, and how he got into the galaxy garrison  
> -he falls out of the healing pod and looks for the other paladins  
> -when he finds them, they all hug each other  
> -Pidge tells Keith how she saved his ass and told the team he was dehydrated, she tells Keith to not bind for a few days
> 
> Feel free to come talk to me on tumblr!
> 
> Tumblr - applepieforforever


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Count of people who know: 2 (unless you count Olivia/his parents)
> 
> Is it so bad?: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I’m back!! I always get nervous posting because I’m afraid it’s gonna be really bad, and I’ll say something wrong and people will be offended. I don’t know exactly why you would be offended, but maybe I said something bad by mistake? If I do, please let me know so I can fix it. 
> 
> :)

For the next few days, everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around Keith.

And he absolutely hated it.

Just because he fainted didn’t mean he was fragile all of the sudden. They didn’t even know _why_ he fainted in the first place.

At least he didn’t have to deal with the personal hell that was menstruation for another month. He could relax for awhile and not have to think about that part of his life.

Nightmares, however, were reoccurring. Ever since the healing pod, Keith had been either restless, afraid of what he would see in his dreams, or waking up from one of them.

The nightmares used to be bimonthly, now they were nearly every night.

Keith was exhausted, but he really didn’t want to face his old foster parents. Especially not Martha, who was transphobic, and blamed Keith for absolutely everything. She would call him greedy, and wouldn’t let him eat with her family. Keith would have to sneak downstairs every night to get food.

That night with the plate was a turning point. For the worse.

Martha hated him so much, she got a lock for his door. On the outside. Whenever Keith ate more than half his plate, or called himself Keith, she would lock him in there.

She spent the checks on herself, or her own children.

Keith only got out of there by climbing out his window with a backpack full of water bottles and granola bars, which he had collected over the course of a month. He hid the bottles in his closet, along with the granola bars.

When he had enough, he made the climb out the window, and he jumped off the roof onto a nearby tree. Then he climbed down the tree and ran to the nearest gas station, which was a few miles away.

They lived on a farm. In the middle of nowhere.

It took Keith a few days to get there, but when he did, he used the pay phone there to call the number he had memorized by heart.

CPS. Ah, yes, the _wonderful_ agency that just stuck him into home after home.

Keith knew they were doing what they could.

After he told them what was going on, they questioned Martha, who got off without any charges against her, and stuck Keith in the home of the Shiroganes.

Compared to his last few homes, the Shiroganes were heaven. They treated him with respect, didn’t deadname him, and fed him.

Cue entrance: Shiro.

Shiro, also known as Takashi, was Keith’s new foster brother. He surprisingly, still doesn’t know that Keith is trans, even after they lived together for over a year. Keith was very shy towards the family at first, but eventually warmed up to them.

They were everything Keith could have asked for in a family, it was paradise.

He had been staying with them for a year when it happened.

Shiro was accepted into the Galaxy Garrison, he was nineteen, Keith was fifteen.

Keith had just started calling them mom and dad, everything was going perfectly fine.

Keith was a part of the creative writing club, he was branching out to different activities. They had a poetry showcase one weekend, Keith had to go volunteer, he was even reading a poem.

Keith’s foster parents decided to go visit Shiro that weekend.

Keith got the phone call at approximately 7:19 P.M. that night. It was an unknown number, but he decided to answer anyway.

He had just performed, people really liked his poem.

It was some hospital Keith had never heard of, way out in Arizona.

When Keith picked up the phone, a lady with a gentle voice asked him if this was Keith Shirogane.

Keith answered yes.

Some key words from there were:

_Car crash._

_I’m so sorry._

_Critical condition._

_We’re doing everything we can, but we can’t be sure._

Keith had dropped his phone. His teacher asked him if he was okay, but he couldn’t hear. His ears were ringing.

His teacher, Mrs. Calvin, was gripping his shoulders. She was saying something, he couldn’t hear her.

The whole auditorium was looking at him. He couldn’t speak. Mrs. Calvin was guiding him out of the room, thank goodness for her. She sat Keith down in a chair, in an empty classroom. Keith’s best friend at the time, Olivia, rushed into the room as well.

Mrs. Calvin tried to shoo her out, but Keith held up his hand. “She- she can stay.”

Mrs. Calvin tried to figure out what was going on, Keith was trying to process what he had just heard. He needed to get to the airport. A flight to Phoenix from Austin couldn’t be too much, could it?

Keith could use his emergency credit card.

Sounded like a good plan.

Mrs. Calvin was still trying to talk to him, Keith stood up and headed for the door.

Mrs. Calvin followed, but Keith walked all the way out of the school. She had to stay and help with the poetry night.

Olivia followed him, though. She followed him across the parking lot, through the forest, until they were back at his house.

“Keith, where the hell are you going? Stop, please tell me what’s wrong,” she begged.

Keith went inside, grabbed his wallet with his emergency credit card. He grabbed a backpack and packed some clothes and toiletries.

“What are you packing for? Where are you _going_?”

She didn’t stop following him. Which was fine, if she wanted to follow him to Phoenix she could. Keith didn’t feel like talking. He didn’t want to explain.

Olivia grabbed his shoulder and shook him.

“What is going on with you?” She yelled. “I want to help you.”

That seemed to break Keith’s trance.

“I-I need to get to Arizona. Phoenix. I’m going to the airport. My parents- they could be dead.”

Olivia seemed more confused than she was before.

“Keith, wait. You don’t need to- why are they in Arizona? Dead? What? I’ll, look, I have my license, I’ll drive you there. Just don’t waste money on a plane ticket.”

Sometimes, Keith forgot that Olivia was a senior. She was eighteen, she could legally drive.

Keith nodded once.

Olivia smiled sympathetically.

They got in her car and drove all the way to Phoenix. They listened to her weird music all the way there.

They sat in the hospital parking lot for awhile. Keith sat in the car, just nodding his head to the beat of the music. He didn’t want to get out of the car. If he got out of the car, he had to face reality. While he knew he couldn’t put it off forever, Keith sure as hell was going to put it off for as long as possible. He wanted to stay in the nice cool car, once he stepped out into the blistering Arizona heat, he would crumble.

Olivia let him take his time, and Keith was grateful for that. She asked him if he wanted her to go in with him. Keith said yes.

In the past year, Keith had been more dependent on human being than he ever had been. That was only because there were human beings to count on.

Once Keith had had an emotional breakdown inside his head, he decided to step out into the sun. He couldn’t hide forever. He needed to face whatever was inside the building.

He slammed the car door, and took careful steps into the building. Olivia walked right along with him, she carried his backpack inside.

Olivia looked exhausted, she had driven all night. She didn’t get any sleep, but neither had Keith. The difference was, Olivia had been driving.

They reached the hospital doors, and Keith stood outside for a couple seconds. This was it. Keith knew what was going to happen when he went inside. His parents would be dead, the doctors will say that they did what they could. It never went right for him, did it? Dead parents, abandoned, pushed around, minority, and unloved.

The past year had been a wonderful escape from actual life. Too bad it had to end.

Knowing what was to come, Keith walked through the doors to the hospital. He went right up to the receptionist, and told her his name.

She told him a floor and room number. Keith and Olivia went up the elevator, wondering how this could happen. Well, Keith was wondering that. He had no idea what Olivia was thinking in that moment.

The disturbingly calm setting of a hospital was making Keith sick. At least he was in the right place. How could everything there be so white, so _clean_ , when people were expecting their inevitable doom.

They were in the ICU, waiting in chairs. The chairs were uncomfortable, they were the type of chairs where the handles were in _just_ the wrong place to be comfortable.

Keith couldn’t believe this was actually happening. His whole life, he waited for a fast break, and once he got it, fate ripped it away from him.

Maybe some people were just destined to be sad for their entire life. Keith should’ve stopped trying for happiness a while ago.

Olivia fell asleep with her head resting on Keith’s shoulder, her bright teal hair running down Keith’s torso. Why did she insist on having her hair so long? It seemed like a lot of work. Her rectangular glasses were falling off the bridge of her nose. Knowing how expensive glasses were, Keith took them off of her and put them on a table beside the chairs.

Keith was tired. He wanted to sleep. Olivia was a heavy sleeper, so Keith rested his head on top of hers.

Slowly, the world faded into black.

——————————————————————

Keith really missed her. Olivia was one of the only things Keith had to miss about earth.

Keith was gay, Olivia was a lesbian. Was she in college? She had always wanted to teach high school English. Maybe she had a girlfriend. Maybe she had a wife and kids.

Keith didn’t know. He couldn’t be sure. She would be 21 right now.

He missed her quirky personality, her perspective on the world. Her sarcastic sense of humor, and how any money she got was always spent to some different charity. She knitted sweaters for the homeless, and made bracelets for girls who couldn’t afford jewelry.

She was a genuine person, unlike many others that Keith had crossed throughout his life.

Keith thought about this while laying in bed all day. The whole team was still being super careful around him. Keith didn’t know what to do to fix this. Hunk would come in to check on him every once in awhile. He would bring food and water, and Keith was very grateful.

He had a feeling that Hunk and Olivia would be good friends. They were both so nice to others. Keith could see similarities between them.

At around two, Keith decided to get up. He didn’t exactly know why he had been laying around in bed all day, but it was better than having a strangely one sided conversation with his team mates.

He went into the kitchen, and the cool tile felt nice against his bare feet. Lance and Pidge sat at the table, Pidge was talking about some cool video game she saw at the space mall.

He missed those kinds of conversations. The team had been distant towards him, and Keith didn’t really know why. Maybe he was making it all up in his head. Their conversation quieted when Keith entered the room.

Keith hugged his arms around himself, he didn’t feel comfortable in this situation.

Keith went and sat at the table next to Pidge, and he swore he saw Lance scooting away.

He would’ve cried then and there if he weren’t so good at hiding his emotions. Pidge was the only one who seemed to be okay with Keith being around.

“Hey Keith,” she said quietly. “What’s up?”

Keith sighed. “I thought I could use some fresh air. All I want to do is crawl back into my bed, though.”

Pidge smiled. “Well, I’m glad you decided to join us. Lance doesn’t make very interesting conversation.”

“Hey!” Lance exclaimed. “I’ll have you know, I am a _fantastic_ conversationalist.”

Pidge snorted. “Yeah, right. I’ve been carrying the conversation for the past twenty minutes. Keith, you must have something interesting to say.”

“Why would I have anything interesting to say? I’ve been sitting in my room since yesterday. That’s not very interesting,” Keith huffed.

“Well, yeah, but like. Old stories. From the Garrison maybe? Why did Iverson kick you out?” She asked.

The question meant no harm. Keith knew that. He really didn’t like to talk about why he got kicked out of the Garrison.

Lance had perked his head up, though. It was cute, and maybe Keith could get another one of his teammates back. So, he started in with the story.

“Well, as you may or may not know, I shared a room with Shiro at the Garrison. When he left for Kerberos, they assigned me a new roommate,” Keith took a shaky breath.

“Iverson assigned me to the girls dorm. Which was insulting. He _knew_ that my family didn’t have enough money to get T for me, so I still looked, well, like a girl. He told me there must’ve been some sort of mix up, but that there was nothing he could do about it. He was lying, I knew he meant to do it.”

Keith readjusted his seating position. “So, since we were going over dorms in front of everyone, in the dining hall, I stood up on the table and hurled my knife at him. It got the point across, but I was kicked out for sure.”

Both Pidge and Lance laughed. Keith smiled. Lance even fell out of his chair he was laughing so much.

When the laughing quieted, the conversation turned serious.

“I didn’t know you were trans,” Lance said.

Keith froze in his seat. He waited for the coming rejection, the abandonment, the shame. But it never came.

“My sister is trans too. Maybe when we go back to earth, you can meet each other.”

“Yea,” Keith smiled. “Maybe we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you love cheesy chapter endings clap your hands *clap clap*
> 
> I kinda like this chapter :) Olivia is kinda based off of my girlfriend 
> 
> A bit of actual story fades into Keith background then back to actual story?
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day!
> 
> Tumblr - applepieforforever, come say hi!
> 
> Thanks for being patient with my irregular updates, I love y’all <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things take an unexpected turn. 
> 
> Count of people who know: 2
> 
> Is it so bad? Kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m backkkkk. Sorry for such a delay, I had softball (ew) every single day after school for 2 1/2 hours. Then I had homework on top of that :( 
> 
> But!! Updates should be more frequent now that I’m done with finals and it’s summer!!

Keith can distinctly remember every detail of how he and Olivia met. Keith had just gotten his lunch from the lunch line, and some sophomore idiot was following him around. 

 

“Girl, you really don’t talk much. You know what they say about the quiet ones, though.”

 

Keith sat down at a table, and he sat next to him. 

 

“I bet you’re a slut. You’d beg me for it, I just know it.”

 

Keith got up and left the table. He threw out his lunch, and moved a few tables over. 

 

“What’s your problem? Is it that time of the month?”

 

Keith took a few deep breaths to restrain himself from punching this guy. 

 

Then, from behind, a saint arrived. She carried with her a backpack, full of notes for a novel she had been writing at the time. And, in her hands, she held a bowl that she had mixed together, filled with mashed potatoes and chocolate milk. 

 

That guy had no idea what was coming. 

 

She slammed the bowl down on his head, and whispered something in his ear. Later, Keith had found out that she has whispered this:

 

“You were begging for it, slut.”

 

She was, quite exactly, the high school stereotype for outsider. Her dyed hair, thrift clothes, and quirky personality all applied to this. 

 

Of course, when Keith pointed that out, she said that she didn’t like to stereotype people, because people are indescribable beings, and you can’t use just one word to sum up a person. 

 

It was her birthday today. Keith would  _ kill  _ to just talk to her. Instead, he was out in space, farther away from earth than any person had ever been. If he survived this  _ stupid  _ war, he was going back to earth to live out his life. 

 

Where would he go? He really had nowhere to be. He could go to college, but he would need money for that. Maybe he’d end up working at a gas station for the rest of his life. The rest of the team had a family. Shiro had his aunts and uncles. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge has their families. Allura and Coran has each other, they would probably choose to stay in space anyway. 

 

What would become of Keith after this was over?

 

Keith really didn’t want to think about the future, but he couldn’t just ignore it forever. Hopefully they wouldn’t be fighting this war their whole lives.

 

He decided to go out and get some breakfast, even though he didn’t want to interact with others. He didn’t want to interact, but he definitely also didn’t ask for awkward silences when Keith entered a room. 

 

But, sometimes, life gives you shit for no apparent reason. Thanks, life. 

 

He walked into the kitchen, and all of the team sat at the rectangular table. They went silent as he walked in, and instead of sitting next to Shiro like he usually would, Keith sat next to Pidge. 

 

Once he sat down, conversation hesitantly started again. Someone was telling a story, Keith couldn’t bother to figure out who. He sat with his head down, trying to drown out any sort of emotion or noise that got in his way. 

 

Suddenly, his shoulder was being slapped lightly. Not enough to hurt, just enough to make Keith aware of his surroundings. 

 

It was Pidge, and she looked a little worried. The whole team was staring at him. 

 

“Sorry, what?” He asked. 

 

“I was just asking if you were feeling up to training today,” Shiro said. 

 

Keith’s eyes scanned the room. “I guess.”

 

Shiro shook his head. “If you don’t feel like you’re ready, you don’t have to, I was just trying to get things back on track.” 

 

Keith thought about it for a moment. Try to reconnect with his team, and train, or sit in his room all day and mope. The choice seemed obvious enough to him. 

 

“I think I’ll go train.”

Shiro beamed. “Wonderful! Afterwards is team bonding, just so you know. I expect that you’ll feel up to that as well, right?”

 

Keith sighed. Did he really have a choice? “Yeah, sure.”

 

The meal continued like normal, Keith didn’t say much more. He didn’t have a reason to talk. 

 

Shiro and Allura left early to go prepare the training deck for whatever it was they were doing. They said to come in about twenty minutes. Coran tagged along with them, which they didn’t mind. That left three insane children, and Keith. 

 

Two of them knew Keith’s secret. One of them didn’t. Although Keith didn’t think Hunk would mind, he wasn’t going to just tell him then and there. It took a process, thinking up what to say, how to say it, possible reactions to their reaction. 

 

That was Keith’s way of doing things, at least. He loved planning and discipline. So when he had to make a spur of the moment decision, it was usually bad, because he didn’t have time to think everything through. 

 

Shiro was wrong. Keith would make a lousy leader. The fact that Shiro would even  _ think  _ about choosing Keith was a terrible idea. 

 

“What are you thinkin about, Keith?” Lance interrupted his thoughts. 

 

“Training. What we’re doing for training,” Keith easily lied. 

 

He felt a little guilty about lying, but technically he had thought about training. 

 

“Do you ever think about anything else?” Lance questioned.

 

Keith almost laughed. Almost. “No, Lance, I’m not capable of thinking about anything other than training, I am a machine with no thoughts or emotions whatsoever.”

 

His sarcastic response made Lance recoil, not what Keith was going for, but it wasn’t really shocking. 

 

All Keith ever did was hurt them, the team. Soon enough they would leave him, just like anyone else would, just like his own family did. 

 

Keith needed to stop thinking. Besides, Lance was saying something, Keith might as well listen. 

 

“I try my best to be nice to you, to talk to you, but you’re only ever sarcastic back. Sometimes, I  _ do  _ feel like you have no emotion, like you couldn’t care less about what I have to say, or what the team has to say. I’m sorry, but I’m sick of it.”

 

There goes any opportunity Keith had of restoring friendship with Lance, or possibly any of the team members. 

 

Lance used his height to his advantage, towering over Keith, it was quite scary. Lance was around 5’ 9” while Keith was only about 5’4”. 

 

For a moment, Keith expected Lance to hit him, to hurt him physically in some way. Keith recoiled into himself, anticipating something. 

 

But nothing came. He left. And that left Keith with Pidge and Hunk staring at him. Keith didn’t know what to say to them. What was there to say?

 

Keith could run, he was often very good at that. He was tired of running, though. He didn’t want to run. Facing things was not easy, neither was explaining things. Lance probably wouldn’t want his excuses anyway. 

 

Keith, with a plan in his mind, went back into his room. He got out a piece of paper, and started writing. 

 

_ Dear Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Coran, Allura, and Lance, _

_       Thank you for being there for me. I know I have a temper, and I know that I’m not good enough to be here. My life has been a mess, and I hate running, but I feel like I have to. Without me here, you guys can do fine, there are tons of people that can fly red. I’m sorry for not telling you guys about myself, but it’s hard. So, I’ve decided that I’m going back to earth. I might not have enough fuel to make it there, so this might be goodbye forever. I hope it isn’t. But it could be. Don’t try and blame yourselves, this is my decision.  _

_ I wish you all the best of luck fighting in this war. I’ll miss you all, and I hope we’ll meet again someday.  _

_ Pidge & Lance, thank you for accepting me. I know I haven’t been the best at friendship, or whatever you would call this.  _

_ I’m leaving you before you can leave me. Some kind of horrible game, but all of my life I’ve been abandoned, except for a couple of people. Since I’m messing this up so terribly, you guys would probably just leave anyway.  _

_ Thanks again.  _

_      Best wishes, always, _

_            Keith Kogane _

 

_ ——————————————————————- _

 

Was this a bad idea? Definitely. Did Keith care? Not really. 

 

It was around midnight, Keith had locked himself in his room all day, and he was gathering supplies for his journey. He missed earth, yes, but he didn’t want to be abandoned. 

 

All day he was on and off about leaving. Pros would be less heartbreak. Cons, he was leaving his family behind. 

 

He didn’t want to do this. He  _ had  _ to do this. It was the only way. 

 

The team was sick of him, so he had to escape before they could escape him. A horrific game of tag, the person who’s ‘it’ gets stuck broken hearted. 

 

Keith was usually it. He couldn’t get stuck again. 

 

He snuck through the kitchen, grabbing a bunch of water and food. He didn’t know how far away from earth he was. He had to bring extra just in case. 

 

Keith carried it all into one of the escape pods. He knew when he turned it on, an alarm would go off. So he had to move quickly. 

 

He put all of his stuff next to the escape pod, and went to see red for one last time. He couldn’t just leave her with no explanation. 

 

“Hey, red,” Keith said to wake her up. 

 

She creaked as she rose, confused as of what was going on. 

 

“This is my last time here for awhile, alright? The team will take good care of you, don’t worry.”

 

She purred. It was sad, she didn’t understand why he was leaving. Keith wasn’t even sure she understood he  _ was  _ leaving. 

 

He was aware of something salty in his mouth, so Keith reached up to touch his face. He felt wetness. Of course he was crying, he couldn’t stand to say goodbye to some of the only real family he’d ever had. 

 

Once he had said goodbye to red, he went back to the escape pod. His fingers were itching to just close the pod door and head back to sleep. 

 

That wasn’t an option, though. Keith had to do this. He had to leave them. 

 

No one could stop him. Not now, anyways. He was aware that he had climbed into the pod. All Keith had to do was turn the key. Turn the key, and he had a new life. A fresh start. An alarm would blare, the team would wake up and realize he had gone. But he would be free. Free on earth, with Olivia, or whoever else he could find. 

 

No more war. No more Zarkon. No more battling, Lotor, coming out. 

 

No more Voltron. 

 

Slowly, he turned the key. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Pidge was aware that something loud was going off, and that she needed to get herself the fuck together, because it could be anything. 

 

She ran down to get changed into her paladin armor. As she was doing so, she tripped and fell down the stairs, which doesn’t hurt her (thankfully). No matter what she would still run to get ready for whatever was up ahead. She couldn’t let her team down. 

 

Her paladin armor gleamed a gentle green in the dark. Pidge didn’t have time to turn on the lights. She slipped on her armor and ran out the door into the control room. 

 

Coran, Allura, and Shiro were already there. Soon after Pidge came Hunk, and then Lance. No Keith. Strange. He was usually one of the first ones out, if not first. 

 

“Shiro? What’s going on? Where’s Keith?” Lance asked while looking around. 

 

Shiro shook his head. “He-he should be here. I don’t know why he isn’t yet.”

 

They waited. And waited. And waited some more. After about ten minutes, it was clear that Keith wasn’t coming. The question on everyone’s minds had not yet been asked aloud, but they were all thinking the same exact thing. 

 

Where is Keith?

 

“It appears that an escape pod has been taken from the castle. That is what set off the alarm,” Coran explained. 

 

“Everyone, search the castle. Pidge, check his room. Lance, the training deck. Hunk, the dining room. Allura, check all the other rooms. I’ll check the hangar. Coran, stay here in case he comes back,” Shiro barked. 

 

Everyone ran in the respective directions. His room. It was likely that he was still in his room. Maybe he hurt himself and can’t get up. Or possibly he had music on full blast. 

 

Pidge hurried through the long and empty hallways, hoping for a sign of Keith. Finally, panting and out of breath, she reached Keith’s room. 

 

It was locked, but luckily she had the universal key to the castle with her. She knocked before she entered, and there was no answer. Wonderful. 

 

Pidge shoved the small key into the lock and turned. The room was dark, and the door creaked a bit. Keith kept the room neat, thank god, it wasn’t like crawling through her own room. 

 

But he wasn’t there. It didn’t surprise her, when Keith didn’t want people to find him, he always had somewhere to hide where no one would notice him. 

 

But there was something different about it. Something seemed… off. An escape pod was taken, who would be in the castle that would want to take that? No one really needed an escape pod, unless they were running away. Or escaping if the castle was on fire. 

 

Keith couldn’t have just,  _ run _ , right? He would’ve told the team. Shiro would’ve even let him go. 

 

And then Pidge found it. A scrap piece of paper that was not very big. It had messy handwriting, and there were a couple of wet dots, along with red dots. 

 

Pidge didn’t want to know what the red dots were, but she had a feeling that she already did. 

 

She read it over. Once. Twice. Even three times. 

 

He couldn’t have done that. He couldn’t be… gone. He would’ve told someone, told anyone that he wasn’t happy here, that he wasn’t happy with himself. 

 

Pidge remembers the interaction with Lance that morning. It was hard for Keith. Pidge knew it was. He didn’t mean to be sarcastic, but no one had ever taught him any other emotion. So he  _ was  _ trying. He tried so hard, but he knew all along that he couldn’t be close with the team. 

 

Lance couldn’t see he was trying because Lance didn’t even know that Keith had never had a family. Lance had a family. It may have been dysfunctional at times, but at least he  _ had  _ one. None of the team members from earth felt like that every day. Allura and Coran lost their families. But they had them in the first place. 

 

Keith couldn’t even remember his own family. 

 

For that, Pidge cried. 

 

She didn’t know how long she stood there, tear and blood covered note in hand, silently crying to something that she couldn’t speak of. 

 

That was how Keith felt every single day. He knew he couldn’t talk about it, the emotions could not escape him in the form of words. 

 

Pidge was wasting time. She needed to go back to the control room, and fast. Keith needed her. He’s somewhere in the middle of space while an intergalactic war is taking place. 

 

He could already be dead. 

 

With that thought in mind, Pidge ran as fast as she ever had back to the control room. When Coran was in sight, she nearly collapsed. But she had to keep going. 

 

She ran all the way up to him, shoved the note at him, and sat on the floor, heaving for air. 

 

_ He could be dead. He could be dead. He could be dead. Keith Kogane could be dead right now.  _

 

What was she going to tell Shiro?

 

He would be heartbroken. His little brother was gone, he carried such guilt and sadness that he felt like he could only run. 

 

Pidge just hoped he was okay. She hoped that he made it to earth. She hoped he was happy. 

 

Slowly the team members made their way back to the control room. Hunk sat down next to Pidge and asked if she was alright. Pidge was numb. She couldn’t even respond. What would she say to that?

 

She couldn’t lie and say that everything was alright when it clearly was not alright. At the same time she couldn’t just yell about her feelings and tell Hunk every single emotion she was feeling. Pidge was sure he wouldn’t mind that, but it just wasn’t the right moment. 

 

Someone was reading the letter aloud, and Pidge tuned them out. She couldn’t even listen to it one more time. She wanted to scream and rip her hair out. She wanted to point her finger at everybody, including herself, and tell them that it was a group effort that drove him away. That he didn’t feel confident enough to talk to any of them about that, and for that reason, they were all bad teammates. 

 

Keith thought that he couldn’t be happy here, and that he could only be happy on earth. If that was the way he felt, then the team had to back off of his decision. They were about to let Pidge leave, why couldn’t they let Keith?

 

Pidge had had enough for the night. She was going back to bed, no matter what happened. 

 

“I’m going back to bed. You guys should too. We have a lot to think about in the morning,” she said. 

 

Then she walked off into the hallway. She felt cathartic, like a weight had been lifted off her chest. Until she thought about Keith. 

 

Then the weight, plus two more weights, were put right back on. She knew nothing would be the same. They needed a new red paladin, but no one would replace Keith. Not now, not ever. 

 

Pidge carefully slipped out of her paladin armor and put on comfortable pajamas. She didn’t want to have to deal with another loss. Maybe they should take a visit to earth, see what’s going on. Find Keith. Tell him that they miss him, and that they want him there. He doesn’t need to destroy himself for the sake of the team. He doesn’t need to hide anything.  

 

Pidge knew in the back of her head that it wouldn’t be that easy for him. However, she knew that she had to at least try. 

 

Slowly, carefully, she laid down. Shut her eyes. 

 

And just let the world fade to black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Have a wonderful day!!!
> 
> come bother me on tumblr - applepieforforever


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Number of people who know: 2
> 
> Is it so bad?: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola I’m bad with updates how are you doing? A month without uploading she comes back with some angst? Yeah um have fun

Keith didn’t know what he was doing. Sure, he knew how to fly the ship. He knew how to get there. But once he arrived what would happen? He couldn’t just knock on every door until he found Olivia. And when he finally found her, would she even want to see him? 

 

This was a very, very bad idea. Not Keith’s worst idea but a bad one nonetheless. He should’ve just stayed with the team. He should’ve just dealt with them, like he usually would. Not run. 

 

Running was his least favorite thing to do. But when things got bad, it was either run or break. 

 

Running was easier. He couldn’t just tell the team everything all at once, they wouldn’t appreciate that, and they had a job to do. They had to stop this intergalactic war that seemed never ending. 

 

Now without him, they couldn’t form Voltron. Unless they found a replacement. 

 

Keith was being stupid, they could find a replacement easily. All he had to do was get to earth, land in some secluded area, then find a job, or Olivia. Whichever came first. 

 

He could just turn back. He wouldn’t have to find a job. He didn’t have to hunt down Olivia. 

 

Nothing with the team would be the same. Keith could hardly remember half the things he put in that letter. He had to go home. 

 

But the team was the closest thing to home he was ever going to get. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Pidge woke up with a start. 

 

She hoped that everything was just some crazy dream, but she knew it wasn’t the minute she stepped into the dining hall. 

 

Hunk was stress cooking, Shiro and Allura were talking about what to do, Lance was biting his nails. Coran was cleaning. Everyone was in their own little bubble of panic. 

 

Like Keith was. 

 

Pidge really needed to stop comparing everything that was happening to Keith. She didn’t even know how he felt. 

 

Somehow she couldn’t help but think that this was it, though. This was how he felt. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she had a pretty close idea. 

 

She sat down at the table across from Lance. He didn’t even look up at her, or make a joke, very unlike him. 

 

No one was themselves though. They were all thinking about Keith, where he was, how could they have let this happen. Whose fault is it. 

 

It wasn’t any of their faults. Keith made a choice, 

 

But at the same time it was all of them. All of them were guilty in their own ways. Every little rude word they said to Keith stuck with him, making him paranoid and anxious that whatever he would say was going to get him yelled at. 

 

They were responsible for him leaving. But at the same time they weren’t. 

 

Keith had a lot of struggles, and he didn’t talk about many of them. Besides Shiro and Pidge, nobody knew anything about him. Other than his obvious temper problems and whatever happened after they all met. 

 

Maybe the team could’ve changed how they acted if they knew what was bothering Keith. It was partially his fault for not communicating. But it was partially their faults for not reaching out. 

 

Pidge zoned out for so long, now the team was arguing over whose fault it was that drove him away. Irresponsible, of course. Pidge takes a second or two to think, and this is what happens. Chaos. Pidge stood up from her chair. She grabbed a bottle of water from the center of the table. Took a giant swig of it. 

 

She pounded her fist so hard on the table that it could bruise. Pidge didn’t flinch. The pain meant nothing to her. 

 

“You are all acting like children. I’m the youngest one here, keeping the order. Keith is gone. He might not be coming back. In the meantime, we need someone to fly the red lion. This war isn’t going to finish itself.”

 

With that, Pidge walked out, assuming they would follow her to the hangar. 

 

She was right, of course. They were behind her.

 

This newfound control was wonderful. If only Pidge could keep them in order forever. She knew that would not happen, chaos is eventually inevitable on this castle ship. But for now. For now it was just fine. 

 

Once they arrived, Pidge spoke up again. “It is quite clear that we have a dilemma. Four paladins, five lions. One of us  _ has  _ to be able to wake up the red lion. I don’t care who goes in first, or what you do to try to wake her up. Just go and see what happens.”

 

Hunk went first. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Hunk was nervous. Well, to be fair, Hunk was always nervous. Or hungry. He made his way up into the red lion, and he hoped with all his might that she didn’t wake up for him. 

 

It’s not that Hunk had anything against the red lion, or Keith, for that matter. It’s just that… his yellow lion was big, and warm, and safe. Extra protection. He didn’t want to give that away for a small agile angry lion. 

 

Yellow was soothing. It was the sun, flowers, warm sweaters. Red was fire, lava, anger, destruction. It suited Keith well. Not Hunk. 

 

So, Hunk sat down in the chair of the red lion, and adjusted the seat. Keith was short, Hunk almost forgot how short he was. He had the seat almost all the way up, giving Hunk no leg space. 

 

“Alright girl,” Hunk purred to her. “I don’t want to have to fly you, but if you wake up then I guess I’ll do it.”

 

No response. Hunk pressed some of the controls. 

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to wake up? It’s fine if you do.”

 

No response once again. Hunk got up. 

 

“Alright then, have a nice day.”

 

And with a final sigh of relief, Hunk left the red lion. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Hunk trudged back from the red lion. Pidge didn’t think it would be him, but she couldn’t help but hope for him to be it. She wanted someone in their group to do it, she didn’t want to have to bring in strangers. 

 

“No luck?” Shiro asked. 

 

Hunk shook his head. “Nothing. Not even a purr. I talked to her and everything!”

 

Pidge smiled. “I’m sure you did your best. Who’s next?”

 

Crickets. 

 

“Well,” Pidge sighed. “I guess I’ll go then.”

 

She marched right up to the red lion. Got inside, adjusted the seat all the way up. She didn’t think it would be her. If Pidge had to guess, it was going to be Allura who got the red lion. It made sense. Allura was agile, she could have a temper. Plus, Allura was the daughter of the original red paladin, so it also made sense for her to pilot red. 

 

In the end, Pidge really couldn’t tell, but what made sense to her was Allura. Possibly Coran. Anyone with Altean blood could be a potential candidate. 

 

“Hey girl, how’s it going today?”

 

A low hum. Maybe it would work?

 

“It would be nice if you woke up for me, I’d really appreciate it.”

 

Some kind of groan. 

 

“I know, I get you. Waking up is hard sometimes. Especially on Mondays. But, if you want to help Keith, and the rest of us. Then you have to wake up.”

 

A small whirring sound. 

 

“Yeah, that’s it. Wake up. We need to help Keith.”

 

And that’s when she shut down. Apparently it wasn’t Pidge. 

 

That was fine, they still had a few more people to go. It was quite possible one of them could do it. 

 

When Pidge marched back with bad news, Coran went right into red, saying that he was waiting for his time. 

 

Quickly though, Red threw him out. He didn’t even have a choice to leave, red just tossed him to the ground. 

 

Accepting defeat, Coran walked back to the group. 

 

Pidge couldn’t help but feel a little bad, Coran was hoping that it would be him. But, the lion chooses the paladin, as some might say. 

 

Allura went in next. Pidge hoped that she could do it. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Allura’s father was the original red paladin. He also created the lions in the first place. It made sense for Allura to be the new red paladin. 

 

However, this might not be the case. Allura couldn’t shake the feeling that she was wrong. Somehow, she might not get the red lion to activate. So, as she sat down in the pilot’s seat, she buzzed with nerves. She didn’t want to let the team down. 

 

“Come on red, I know you’re asleep, but could you please consider waking up?” 

 

Red remained silent. Not even a hum. 

 

“Please? I know you want Keith back, but for the time being he’s gone. We need you. Innocent planets are being destroyed. Please.  _ Anything.” _

 

A low rumble. Maybe she was doing it after all. 

 

“That’s it girl, you got it. Wake up. Come help save planets.”

 

Some vibrating. Allura was doing it. 

 

“Yes! I knew it! My father was your paladin, so I am destined to be.”

 

And. Red shut down. Completely. No noise, no movement, no lights flashing. 

 

Allura punched the controls in frustration. The controls were fine, her hand might be bruised a bit. She was so  _ close _ , and then she just ruined it! How did she let that happen? Why couldn’t red wake up? 

 

“We were so close, come on girl.  _ Please _ .”

 

But red was shut off. Nothing could wake her up. Not Allura, at least. They still had two paladins left, Allura hoped it was one of them. 

 

Allura accepted her fate and stood up from the chair. She shook her head as she walked back to the remaining paladins. She had failed. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Pidge was starting to get seriously worried. They only had two options, Shiro, and Lance. 

 

The team needed Shiro in the Black lion, no one else had the leadership skills to pilot it. 

 

Lance, on the other hand. If they made a few switches it would be fine, but it wasn’t likely. Keith and Lance did  _ not  _ get along very well. At least, that’s what they think. It was obvious, to Pidge at least, that their bickering was actually flirtatious. However, since neither of them could see that they don’t hate one another, the odds of red waking up to Lance were little to none. 

 

They were almost out of options. If it was Shiro, then they were doomed with the black lion. If it was Lance, everything had potential to be okay. Blue was relatively easy to gain a bond with. No offense to Lance, but they could easily find another blue paladin. Coran could probably do it, maybe Allura. Either way, they could somehow find one. Pidge was sure of it. 

 

Shiro volunteered to go next, and Pidge crossed her fingers that it wasn’t him. It would actually be worse if they lost their black paladin than if none of them woke up red. All she could do was hope, though. She’d let fate unwind. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Shiro was supposed to be strong. He was the black paladin, and he could fight. But Keith was like a brother to him. Scratch that, Keith  _ was  _ his brother. His adoptive brother. And Shiro wouldn’t trade that for the world. But Keith left. Keith was insecure, and he left. With a stupid goodbye note, as if that would excuse him. 

 

It didn’t. Needless to say, Shiro was mad at Keith. He put the team, and the whole universe, in danger. They could have trained in the wasted hours looking for him, finding his note, and now finding a new red paladin. They could have discovered a new weapon, or done something incredible. But no. They had to look for Keith. They had to mope over Keith leaving. 

 

Keith was a grown man, he was allowed to make decisions. But decisions like those were inexcusable. Shiro thought Keith knew better than abandoning his own team to go back to earth. He got that Keith was afraid, they all were. If they worked through it together instead of running, maybe everything could be better. All of them could connect as a team, and bond as Voltron, creating an even stronger weapon. 

 

It just… could have gone so many different ways. Shiro was upset with the path that fate took. He supposed that there was nothing he could do about that now, besides try to wake up the red lion. So that’s what he was doing. Adjusting the seat all the way back, Shiro carefully locked his elbows and cracked his knuckles. 

 

Each lion had its own personality, much like the paladins that piloted them. The red lion, agile and angry, could potentially be Shiro’s lion. Although Shiro would prefer to be the head, if this was what it took, then he would be an arm instead. 

 

“Alright girl, lets see what we can do.”

 

Nothing happened. Shiro was expecting that, quite honestly. It took patience and focus to wake even the simplest lion. 

 

Shiro channeled his energy into the lion. Think about Keith, what would Keith do? He would be mad. Mad at the world. Shiro was also mad at the world, they had that in common. They were mad for different reasons, but mad nonetheless. 

 

Shiro thought about fire, volcanoes. Anger. 

 

He felt things happening. He didn’t know what exactly he felt, but something was going on. 

 

Red was waking up. Shiro would be the paladin. He guessed that Keith and him were pretty alike. They had to be in order to be paladins of the same lion. 

 

It made sense. Keith could fly the black lion, so Shiro could fly the red lion. It would be an interesting change, but it wasn’t necessarily bad. 

 

Shiro remembered times when Keith was happy. At their old house, with mom and dad, everything was almost normal. 

 

Until their deaths. Keith was shattered by losing yet another set of parents. 

 

The moment Shiro thought about their deaths, the red lion slept again. Shiro didn’t understand. She was working, and awake just a minute beforehand. Something about his parents dying made the red lion upset. She probably didn’t like the thought of Keith being sad. She really was protective over him. 

 

Nothing could break their bond. Shiro hoped that Lance could do something. If he couldn’t, they were all in trouble. They had to look elsewhere for a new red paladin. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Overall, Pidge was confused. She thought that Allura could do it, she didn’t. She thought that Shiro could do it, he almost did. The red lion was waking up, the lights were turning on. But then she just collapsed. This was one of the few times her hypothesis was wrong. 

 

Now it was up to Lance to do something. 

 

Lance, who bickered with Keith like an old married couple. 

 

Lance, who wasn’t serious for the most part, and was insecure about his abilities. 

 

Lance, who was the final straw that drove Keith away. 

 

He most likely felt bad, and most likely knew that he had done something bad. At the same time, if he didn’t wake up the lion, they were all out of options. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lance was so far beyond nervous that the word nervous didn’t mean anything anymore. He was always such a let down to the team. He drove Keith away, he was the odd one out. No one likes his jokes, and now he had no one to bicker with because his rival was gone. 

 

He was the last one. This was it, or else they had to find another red paladin somehow. Lance was probably not going to get the red lion to wake up, and the team will be so disappointed in Lance. Why would red wake up to him? He’s the one who hurt Keith the most. Red probably hated him. 

 

Since Shiro went before Lance, the seat was all the way back. Lance had to adjust it forward a little bit. Then he just sat. 

 

What was he going to say? He could just start talking, but would that work? Red was very hard to wake up. It took a specific kind of person. 

 

Lance brushed his fingers over the controls.

 

“Hey red. I know you’re asleep, but we really need you right now.”

 

Nothing. Just like Lance thought. Red was probably tired of hearing the same things about waking up. She had heard them around 5 times already. 

 

“I know I messed up.”

 

It was almost as if Lance could hear her listening to what he had to say. 

 

“I always tried to genuinely talk to Keith, but it always came out competitive. Or with an argument.”

 

Lance put his head down on the controls. 

 

“I don’t know how I can fix that. I chased him away. Why can’t I just be  _ nice _ to him? I’m able to be nice to everyone else. It’s just him. Him and his stupid mullet.”

 

Lance stood up. 

 

“I should probably go.”

 

But the chair did not let him up. The red lion hummed, almost as if saying to keep talking. 

 

“The truth is, I love him. I  _ really _ love him. He’s adorable, and he doesn’t get emotions, other peoples and his own. It’s sad. I want to know more about him. He barely talks about himself. He doesn’t really know how to connect with others, I think. He doesn’t like physical contact, and I don’t know why.”

 

Red started to stir. 

 

“I should’ve, I don’t know. God, I could’ve told him that we want him here. That he belongs here. All I did was fight him, chase him away from us. He deserves to be here. I feel so terrible for everything. He could be  _ dead  _ right now. Somewhere off in space, floating around. Please wake up. We have to find him, we have to save him or do something. Anything.”

 

Red creaked. 

 

Then, she stood up. 

 

She was awake. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith had made his decision to go back to the team. So, that’s exactly what he was doing. He was flying as fast as he could through space, trying to get back to the castle. They might not need him, but he needed them. 

 

Something was pooling in the bottom of Keith’s stomach. He didn’t feel right. He thought that he might just be having a dysphoric episode, he often had those when he made bad decisions. But it didn’t feel like one. It just felt like something bad was going to happen. Something would go wrong. 

 

There was an unmarked ship in view. It was bigger than Keith’s, but it was still pretty small. Keith swerved around it, he didn’t want them to see him. It could be dangerous. 

 

He made it around the ship and flew forward. Everything was fine, he was okay. He could fly back to the team and not have to worry about that ship again. 

 

Suddenly, something had encased him. His entire ship was being closed in. Keith didn’t know what to do, he started flying down because that was the only opening still. 

 

But he was too late. He was trapped by an unmarked ship, and he might die. He had no contact with team Voltron. They wouldn’t even know if he died. Things seemed to be happening in slow motion. As the bottom of the ship closed, he looked up. Above him was a tall ceiling. Around him were other ships. 

 

Someone knocked on the window of his ship. Keith slowly turned his head, confirming his worst nightmare. 

 

“Hello, red paladin. Surrender your ship, surrender yourself, or die.”

 

The only being that Keith did not want to see ever again stood before him. 

 

Lotor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe I’ll try to have another update up soon but y’all know how I am
> 
> In the meantime come bother me on tumblr - applepieforforever
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Count of people who know: 3
> 
> Is it so bad?: uh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I’m done with this website this is my third time typing this out let’s see how it goes. Sorry this story kind of sucks, I’m trying to get updates out fast, and I want them to be good for the people who actually enjoy this story. I’ve been unmotivated and that’s not a valid excuse, I’ll try to be quicker with updates. Have fun reading (but you probably won’t whoops sorry not sorry)

Needless to say, fighting a war was not fun. Not that Lance thought it would be fun in the first place, but still. People got hurt, people died. Lance didn’t really enjoy violence. He liked to believe he was a very nonviolent person.

 

But when they got an unexpected call from Lotor, saying that he had their beloved red paladin, Lance freaked out. He got up in Lotor’s thin, purple, ugly face and yelled at him. The worst part was, Lance couldn’t remember a word he said. He might’ve done something really embarrassing, he could’ve confessed his love right then and there.

 

He didn’t want to ask the other paladins about it. They all were in shock when Lance stormed out of the room afterwards. Lotor has Keith. Keith was in trouble.

 

And Lance couldn’t deal with that.

 

He couldn’t even begin to think about all the horrible things that could be happening right now. Lance wanted to find Lotor and punch his smug little smirk right off his face. Then he would find Keith on that ship and bring him back. And he would never let that happen again.

 

Keith hadn’t told them how he was feeling, he left, got himself captured, and now Lance wanted to save him. He got himself into this mess. Couldn’t he get himself back out again?

 

Lance knew he was being selfish. Keith was stuck somewhere in Lotor’s ship. He couldn’t get out. He was probably trapped in some dark cell, being questioned about Voltron and the team’s whereabouts. It was scary for Lance, he couldn’t imagine how it was for Keith. And he didn’t want to imagine. But it was all Lance could think about, for the past day, since they got that call. He couldn’t get out of his own head.

 

Maybe leaving his room would help. He could go talk to someone. Pidge or Hunk most likely. Possibly both. Lance didn’t want to talk to Shiro, he would be serious. Allura and Coran were busy trying to find the coordinates of the ship, and Shiro was probably right there with them.

 

Lance kind of felt bad for Shiro. Keith was his brother, and he had left. Shiro was his family, and he couldn’t do anything to help him or stop him. He might feel the worst out of all of them.

 

However, Lance was the final straw. He was the final push into the water that Keith was drowning in.

 

Lance would say this a million times over. It was his fault. No one could convince him otherwise. He didn’t think that he was being irrational, or over dramatic when he said this. It was Lance’s opinion, and he knew he was right.

 

Maybe if he had apologized to Keith, he would still be here. What Lance wouldn’t give to go back in time and correct his stupid mistakes. He would give everything.

 

He would give his life for Keith.

 

That was pretty dumb, Keith didn’t even talk to Lance. Besides bickering, they never really had normal conversations. But Lance absolutely adored him, and he didn’t know why.

 

Maybe it was that stupid mullet. Or his leadership skills with the team. Or how he was trying singlehandedly to save the universe. Or, and Lance told himself that this was his last one, how he had the courage to give his life for the sake of the team.

 

That one night in battle, Keith was so reckless. The weapons weren’t working, and he thought that his ship would be enough to break the barrier. If the shield broke a second later, Keith would’ve been gone.

 

Did Keith care about his life? Was it important to him?

 

Does he just want to die?

 

——————————————————————-

 

In that moment, Keith wanted to die. Facing the galra prince right before he made it back to Voltron. Not good luck on his part. Then again, he never really had good luck besides the Shiroganes and team Voltron. He had no time to pull out his bayard before Lotor knocked him out.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith was back in Martha’s farmhouse. He remembered being starving, so underweight that it was borderline dangerous. You could count his ribs. Keith didn’t talk about it, though. No one would want to hear him.

 

Keith had no friends at school. They all thought he was weird, and people weren’t very accepting of his gender. They refused to change his name on roll, and no one called him Keith. Keiara was all he heard, every day. He got no respect, he sat alone at lunch, he was constantly being shoved into lockers and trash cans.

 

He had a collection of never ending bruises. They didn’t heal much because he didn’t eat much, and so they were all on top of one another.

 

One of Keith’s reappearing tormentors was named Spencer.

 

Spencer was your stereotypical jock. Played football and basketball, pure white skin, sandy brown hair. Everything about him screamed stereotype.

 

One day, Spencer thought it would be a good idea to trap Keith in his car.

 

So that’s what he did.

 

Keith must say, it was a brilliant plan. Not really.

 

Keith was walking home from school one day when he got knocked out. By one of Spencer’s buddies. He didn’t remember it much.

 

He woke up drowsily in the back of Spencer’s car. The car was locked, and it could only be unlocked by the keys to the car. They took his phone. They also took his backpack, and anything that was useful to him.

 

The only thing they left him with was a note.

 

dear keira

 

They couldn’t even be bothered to spell his dead name right. How inconsiderate of them.

 

so, now you’re locked in a car, and you’re probably thinking about what you did to deserve this. well, this school was not made for people of your kind. we would kindly ask you to leave the school, but sadly, none of us are kind people. so we want you to leave. but first, we want you to dress like you’re supposed to be dressed. we raided one of our sisters closets, and this is what we found. we won’t let you out until you put it on.

 

sincerely,

us, your best enemies

 

There was a target bag underneath the note. The bag held a blue floral dress and white two inch heels. And a sun hat.

 

They may be jerks, but they have good fashion sense.

 

Keith was not putting on that dress. He could rot in the car for eternity, and he didn’t care. The whole thing was stupid.

 

Keith had always hated dresses. They were too flimsy, and everything about them made him cringe. He was uneasy whenever he wore them, he felt off.

 

The dress they picked although it was pretty, was not something Keith would ever put on. Ever.

 

Keith already knew how he would feel when he put it on. Restricted. Suffocating. Like he was trapped in a gender assigned box. Nothing could compare to that feeling, no one in this town could empathize with him. That didn’t change the fact that he was in a hot car, on a hot spring day. Soon enough he would get heat exhaustion, and he needed to find a way out soon.

 

He guessed he could just try to bust the window. That might work if he could find something strong enough.

 

What was in the car that was relatively strong enough?

 

Keith wasn’t going to use his hand, he would just break it. Or his elbow. Neither of those sounded like good ideas.

 

Think Keith, think.

 

He looked in the bag. The dress was in there. But… in the bottom.

 

The heels. Would they be strong enough? They looked like good heels, Keith felt bad for whoever the boys took them from. They looked pretty strong too, if he used the heel to smash the window, he could climb out through there.

 

Well, here goes nothing.

 

Keith grabbed the heel by the part you put your foot into, and aimed the thin heel part at the window.

 

At first, it didn’t work. The heel just made a horrible sound when it hit the window. Keith was about to give up. Put on the dress, go out there, make a fool out of himself while also feeling terrible.

 

The last blow to the window was the hardest.

 

The heel had snapped.

 

But there was a crack in the window.

 

It wasn’t too big, maybe a foot long, but once the first crack appeared, everything would usually be easy from there. Plus, he had another heel to work with.

 

Keith grabbed the other heel, and immediately began pounding the already cracked glass. With every hit, the crack grew a bit bigger, a bit bigger, a bit bigger.

 

Until he hit the breaking point. He could go. He could flee from the car as he pleased.

 

Keith took a minute to figure out where he would go, what he would do. He knew he would have to go back to Martha, he knew that he would be in such deep shit for being home late, and getting beat up. But that was a later problem. A now problem was evidence. He needed evidence of what they had done to him, so that on the slight possibility the school would do something, he could have a convincing story.

 

Keith put the broken heels and the note into the plastic bag. He threw the bag out of the car, then proceeded to climb out himself.

 

The glass scraped against him, but he barely felt it. He only saw the blood when he was fully out. It didn’t look too pretty.

 

He made his way down the sidewalk, past the high school, and over to the farm. It was a while before he reached the rickety old house, chipped paint and all.

 

Usually he would just walk in, but he paused for a few seconds outside to collect himself. He would go in, get yelled at, then get locked in his room until the next morning for school.

 

In his head, it seemed so simple.

 

Well, he walked into the house and Martha sat there, waiting on the couch.

 

Slowly her head turned towards Keith, when she saw who it was, she stood up.

 

“Keiara, how wonderful of you to make an appearance this afternoon. May I ask why you were not home right after school?”

 

It was the calm before the storm. Keith knew this, from experience.

 

“Some kid locked me in his car.”

 

“Bullshit!” She screeched. “You were probably out with some random boy, stop lying to me! Tell me the truth. Where. Were. You. Today?”

 

Keith edged his way around the kitchen. “Yeah. You’re right. I was out with a boy, we were you know, smoking, drinking, and making out like normal teenagers. I lied, sorry.”

 

Martha tilted her nose up to the ceiling. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot rapidly. Keith didn’t want to appease her, but he had to get out of the situation somehow. So, he did the only thing he could think to do. He offered to do all the chores, then make dinner.

 

She offered him a smile. It wasn’t a nice smile, it was more of a “ha! I guilt tripped you into doing all the chores tonight!” Smile. The one you see when parents know they have you in a corner, yet they keep closing in. It was more of a sly smirk.

 

Anyway, Keith was stuck doing dishes, laundry, sweeping, washing windows, all that stuff. He felt like a male Cinderella. If only the animals would talk to him. Or a fairy godmother would come raining from the sky and help him deal with his shit. Of course, Keith knew that none of that would happen ever, he’d probably be stuck in this damn farmhouse the rest of his life.

 

Which was a bit sad to think about. He wouldn’t be leaving any time soon. Unless he did something about it.

 

A week later, he was climbing out his window to the nearby gas station, calling CPS to get him out of there. The shitty organization would at least be able to put him back in an orphanage somewhere.

 

Two weeks later he was being adopted by the Shiroganes.

 

But in the moment, Keith did not know that. The next day at school, he walked in, bloody and bruised, and immediately went to the counselors office.

 

Mrs. Farrel was his only ally in the whole school. Although, they were on a first name basis, since she was Keith’s best friend at the time. He called her Ellen, she called him Keith. It was a name agreement.

 

Keith gripped the target bag in his right hand, prepared to go in and fully explain the situation.

 

But over the intercom, he was being announced to go to the main office, immediately.

 

He changed route to the opposite direction, and headed towards the main office. When he got in there, Spencer was sitting in a chair outside the office. Keith couldn’t read his expression, he either had a really good poker face, or he actually had mixed emotions about what was going on.

 

Keith believed he just had a good poker face.

 

Spencer did not have any emotion other than anger or annoyance.

 

When they were called in to the principal's office, Spencer shot Keith a look.

 

He didn’t know what was about to happen. He was either going to get in trouble, or Spencer was going to get in trouble. Keith hoped the latter.

 

They had a seat in the chairs that were so worn that they were held together by duct tape.

 

Keith buzzed with nervous energy. He would be killed if he got in trouble. He would be pounded if Spencer got in trouble. It was a lose-lose for him.

 

The principal closed the door and sat down. Mr. Lizinski if Keith remembered correctly.

 

“You may be wondering why I called you both in here today,” Mr. Lizinski said.

 

Keith nodded dumbly, if he played along maybe something good would happen.

 

Mr. L laced his fingers on top of the desk. He raised his eyebrows. “Last night, we got some mysterious footage. It appears that you, Keiara, broke a window of Spencer’s car.”

 

Keith sighed in his mind. He didn’t out loud because he knew that would appear to be rude, he didn’t want to get in more trouble than he already had.

 

“This is true,” Keith spoke.

 

Mr. L shook his head. “I expected more from you, Keiara. I let you transfer to this school mid way through the semester, and your mother worked hard to get you here.”

 

Keith growled. “That woman is not my mother.”

 

“The legal papers say otherwise, Keiara.”

 

“That’s not my name!” Keith shouted.

 

Mr. L rolled his eyes. “Your birth certificate says otherwise.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes right back. “I’d prefer not to get into an argument with you over my name, but you are being quite disrespectful towards me.”

 

Mr. L stood up. “I was going to suspend you for two days, but now I’m thinking a week would do you good.”

 

Keith was in so much trouble at home.

 

Spencer smiled as Mr. L called Martha. She was polite on the phone. Keith wished she was polite in real life too.

 

Keith had to wait for Martha to come pick him up. It was a bit awkard at first, he was just sitting in the main office with Spencer, waiting. As soon as the receptionist was gone, Spencer spoke.

 

“You got what you deserved.”

 

Of course he did. Everyone thought that, even Keith.

 

That was Keith’s last experience at that school. He wished he had said bye to Ellen, or at least talked to her before he left.

 

They had kept in touch through email until Keith left for the Garrison.

 

It was… nice.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith woke up with a start. He was in a small cell, probably on some random Galra ship. Maybe the main one, Lotor was there after all. He wondered what Lotor would do to him. Hopefully the team wasn’t stupid enough to come get him, Keith was just being used as bait. Lotor might’ve threatened to torture him, but Keith could not care less. He was not giving up information about Voltron. He didn’t even know where the team was at the moment.

 

Lotor did not know that. Lotor was not aware that Keith had run away.

 

A guard passed him and looked into Keith’s cell. Noticing he was awake, the guard spoke into his arm. There might’ve been a microphone or some kind of walkie talkie thing going on.

 

“Prisoner 5581 is awake, sir.”

 

Sure enough, 5581 was branded into his wrist. Wonderful. He would have that for forever.

 

Shiro definitely also had one. Keith wondered what his number was.

 

Which. Was a stupid thought. Shiro did not want to remember anything about this place. He says that he doesn’t remember much, Keith hopes that he is the same way. He doesn’t want to remember being here.

 

Lotor appeared at his cell. He had that classic sly smirk painted across his face. Something was about to happen. Nothing good.

 

Lotor opened his cell. Stepped inside. Closed and locked the cell.

 

“Hello, Keiara.”

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lance was so stupid. They didn’t even know if Lotor actually had Keith or not. Lance could’ve been all worked up for nothing. He probably was. Keith could be safe on earth at this moment.

 

But he could also be on a Galra ship. Beaten and bloody. Being stupid and stubborn and getting killed because he won’t give up information.

 

Needless to say, Lance did not want to think about it. However, he had to think about it. Even if Lotor didn’t have Keith, they had to go see. Pidge could hack their system once they got on the ship, then she could tell the team if Keith was a prisoner or not. If not, they would leave immediately. If so, they would find where he was being held, and bust him out.

 

The plan was still a bit fuzzy. Between how they would get Keith off the ship, and if he would even want to stay with the team anymore.

 

Lance was a mess. Most of the time he just sat in his room, too tired to get out of bed, but not able to sleep. Half the time his head pounded, most likely from the lack of water. Or food.

 

Maybe he should get up. Just to see the others, to let them know he was okay.

 

Pidge and Hunk had come to check on him a couple of times.

 

He was surprised to hear a knock on the door.

 

“Hunk I’m fine, you can leave,” he called.

 

“It’s not Hunk. I just want to talk, please open the door.”

 

Lance got up. He opened the door a crack. It was Shiro.

 

“Can I come in?” He asked.

 

Lance just walked back to his bed and sat down. Shiro took that as a yes and sat down on the bed next to Lance.

 

They said nothing for a minute or two. It was a bit awkward. It was like a father giving his emo son the birds and the bees talk. Not that Lance was emo, that was Keith. But just that kind of situation.

 

“So,” Shiro started. “How are you holding up?”

 

Lance sort of smiled. That was the first time in a day or two.

 

“I’m doing okay,” he lied.

 

And Shiro saw right through it. He chuckled a little bit. “I call bullshit.”

 

Lance sighed. “Yeah okay, I’m not doing alright. You’re right.”

 

“So… what’s going on? How can we help you? Everyone is worried sick about what happened,” Shiro said.

 

Lance did not know how to explain what was going on in his head. But he did know that he loved Keith.

 

Lance figured it would be better for both of them if he was just upfront about everything. “I love him. And I think he’s in trouble.”

 

Shiro nodded. “I got that part.”

 

“Is it really that obvious?” Lance asked.

 

Shiro laughed. “To everyone but Keith, yes. It’s a good thing you love the most oblivious idiot in the world.”

 

Lance had to laugh at that. It was true. “You don’t have any problem with me being…”

 

“Gay? Bi? Pan? No, not at all. I’m not that kind of person.”

 

There was a little bit of silence.

 

Lance spoke up. “I’m worried about him.”

 

Shiro nodded. “Me too. It’s not the first time he’s run away.”

 

“He’s done it before?” Lance asked.

 

“Yeah. When we were still on earth. We were foster brothers. He tried to run away after he got an F on a test. He thought… he thought my parents would hit him for it.”

 

“You don’t think that has happened before, right? He would tell us, wouldn’t he?” Lance asked, worried.

 

Shiro shook his head. “I don’t know. I think it has. Keith had never really been an open person. He never talked about himself, or his experiences. I know he’s been in about eight foster homes. That in itself is horrible. He eventually just grew out of the system and into the Garrison.”

 

“That can’t be right, can it? He had a home, a family, right?” Lance was grasping at straws.

 

Shiro sighed. “Some people’s stories aren’t happy, Lance. Keith’s mother abandoned him as a baby, his dad died in a fire when he was seven or eight. From there, he was put into an orphanage, then to different homes. I don’t know much about the homes he was put into.”

 

Lance was kind of upset that Keith had never said anything before. Then again, Shiro didn’t even know much about Keith’s background, so Lance couldn’t be that upset with him.

 

He was more worried than anything.

 

“Do you think Lotor actually has him?” Lance asked

 

Shiro stood up. “I think that it is a possibility. We won’t know unless we go there, or Lotor shows us that he has Keith.”

 

Lance stood up as well. “We’re going to get him, aren’t we?”

 

Shiro started walking out. Lance followed. “I want to, I really want to. I don’t know yet, I have no idea if that would be good for the team.”

 

Lance stopped. “But. He’s your brother.”

 

Shiro stopped and turned to Lance. “I know that. But I don’t want to put a lot of people in danger just to save one person. They probably won’t kill him, Lotor is using him as bait-“

 

“You don’t know that! What if he’s useless for not having information? They could kill him. Are you not worried at all? He could be in some cell-“

 

“Lance-“

 

“Bloody and bruised-“

 

“Lance-“

 

“Dying on the concrete floor-“

 

“Lance! That is enough! Get ahold of yourself. Of course I’m worried about him, but our focus needs to be elsewhere at the moment. Planets are being destroyed, and we still do not have a red paladin. Get your act together, we will go either when we know Lotor actually has him, or when we know that we have a break.”

 

With that, Shiro stormed off.

 

Lance guessed he did cross a couple of lines. By a couple, he meant every single line there was to cross. Keith was Shiro’s brother, why wouldn’t he care at all? Lance was just stupid and in love. He would do anything for Keith. Even if what he was doing was wrong.

 

If Keith asked him to jump off a bridge, he would do it. He would give anything and everything, including his own life.

 

Shiro wouldn’t let them go, but Lance knew what he had to do.

 

He was going to rescue Keith. With or without the team on his side.

 

——————————————————————-

 

“So, how are you today?”

 

“Could be better,” Keith spat.

 

“Ah, so you’re the one with the anger issues. I’ve heard quite a lot about you. You have a bit of a past, don’t you?” Lotor asked.

 

Lotor already knew the answer to that. Keith didn’t need to say anything at all. He was going to get himself killed if he said more than necessary.

 

“Keith, is it?”

 

Keith looked up at him. Nodded.

 

“Right, Keith Kogane. A fearless fighter, a risk taker. You would do anything for the team, including… risking your own life. Tell me, which one are you protecting? Or is it really all of them?”

 

“I’d give my life for all of them.”

 

Lotor tsked. “Playing hard to get, are we? Tell me, why were you out there, in space, all by yourself?”

 

“I left.”

 

Lotor chuckled. “If you did that, you are quite the idiot. They seem to really care about their red paladin. Especially… that blue one.”

 

“Don’t you dare touch him,” Keith snarled.

 

“Ah, I’ve hit a nerve, I see. Now tell me, do you love him?”

 

Keith shook his head no.

 

“No? Let’s see how long you last before you change your answer. Guards?”

 

Two strong guards came into the cell, one with a belt looking object, the other with some sort of chain.

 

“Mr. Kogane, you are an adult, and therefore will be treated as such. Our punishments for non cooperation vary here in our ship. The children get sent to fight for our enjoyment. Since you are over the age of 18, I can not allow you to do that. We have to have a more serious punishment in order for you to see our point,” Lotor explained.

 

One of the guards picked Keith up. He chained Keith’s arms together, then his legs. Keith didn’t have any fight in him. Even if he fought, it was definitely outnumbered, and his odds of beating even two guards without a weapon were slim.

 

All he could do was hope team Voltron would be there soon.

 

The guards carried him into some kind of room, it was small, and he couldn’t see a thing. The guards unchained him. He could stretch out his arms and touch both walls.

 

Keith felt around for some sort of exit, some kind of way out. He only found that the room was cylinder, and there was no way out. No guard near him.

 

If solitary confinement was his punishment, he would be fine for awhile. He could sit there for a day, possibly two, without going insane.

 

But the floor started to push up. Keith grasped for purchase on the walls, but to no success. When he reached the top of wherever he was going, there was blinding light. He was reminded of that time he watched The Hunger Games with Olivia in theaters. When the tributes were pushed up into the arena.

 

But this was no hunger games. When Keith’s eyes adjusted, he saw a crowd. He was on some sort of stage.

 

This was interesting to say the least. In front of him, there was a pole stretching from the stage up to the ceiling, maybe fifteen feet above him.

 

What was this?

 

Something clicked in his mind. He knew where he was. He had even performed in a place like this before.

 

He was in a Galra strip club.

 

They wanted him to pole dance? That was his punishment?

 

Stupid, but alright. He had done that before. He could do it again. Lotor wanted him to cooperate? Oh, he would cooperate alright.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith was sixteen when he found the job. At a gay bar not far from his foster family’s house. The bartender told him he should fill out an application to be a pole dancer, he had the looks and needed the money. So Keith filled out an application. He surprisingly got the job, even though he was only sixteen.

 

This guy named Leo taught him how to do it. Leo was very handsome, and a very good pole dancer. He was polite, and explained things thoroughly. He taught Keith everything he needed to know. How to get away from someone making a move on him, how to make the most money. The most popular moves, regulars to trust and not trust. To tell either him or the bartender Teddy if he was uncomfortable in any situation.

 

Before he knew it, Keith was up on the stage, swinging around, getting over $200 a night.

 

He told his foster family that he was out at a club meeting for school every night. Some sort of astronomy club, they looked at the stars every night.

 

He had to google what constellations were out above them before he went home. He had to tell them fake names of people in the club. He didn’t even know if his school had an astronomy club at the time.

 

But it was worth it. The people he met, the skills he learned. He even got a bit of a self defense lesson out of it. Little did he know how much he would need it in the future to fend off bullies.

 

Eventually his foster parents gave up on him, after about an eight month run. It was a good run, they weren’t fit for a problematic child. That was okay then. Keith was used to it. He was sad to leave Leo and Teddy behind, but he knew that one day. One day he would be back to visit them.

 

One day

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith made his way over to the pole, taking longer strides than necessary. He hooked his foot around the pole, and pulled himself around, pushing out his chest.

 

He got enough momentum to swing around the pole again, this time using one arm to lift himself off the ground. All things Leo taught him. Be light as a feather, yet heavy as a rock.

 

His way of saying be graceful, yet grounded. Know what you’re doing, but feel free while doing it.

 

And just like that, he was back into his old habits. He continued on for awhile, the crowd seemed to like it, he got a lot of cheers. This was some sort of odd coincidence. Who knew that the Galra liked pole dancing?

 

Once he finished, he moved away from the pole. Applause and money were thrown at him. He didn’t need the money. He needed to get back to the team. The only way that would happen is cooperation.

 

He caught Lotor’s face in the crowd. Pure shock.

 

It was Keith’s turn to smirk.

 

The guards came to collect him, this time they chained his hands and made him walk back to his cell, between them. It was better than being chained up and carried all the way back. Keith didn’t see the point of that in the first place.

 

Maybe now that he had shown his ability to cooperate, they could trust him enough to walk on his own. Fun times.

 

Once he was back in his cell, he pretty much sat in the corner and did nothing. What else could he do? There was no one to talk to, nothing to occupy himself with other than his own thoughts.

 

He thought about what the team could be doing right then. Sleeping. Eating. Having fun together without him there. Finding a new red paladin.

 

Or, they could be looking for Keith. They could be worried. They could care.

 

Keith doubted Lance cared. Pidge, Hunk, and Shiro were the only ones who relatively cared. Lance had yelled at Keith that morning.

 

Keith was usually fine with being yelled at. He had had tons of practice being yelled at. The thing was, he cared about Lance. And the things Lance was saying, were true. Keith was rude, he seemed to not care. He made it look like he couldn’t care less what Lance had to say, or what pretty much anyone had to say.

 

The truth was, it meant the world to him.

 

Lotor stepped into Keith’s cell.

 

He sat down across from Keith.

 

“Where did you learn that?” He asked.

 

Keith looked away. “A long time ago. On earth.”

 

“That was astonishing. You can’t expect me to just ignore the fact that the crowd loved you. They were throwing money, they don’t do that for everyone. I think you should be a regular.”

 

Keith shifted his jaw back and forth. “What if I refuse?”

 

Lotor ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose I can’t force you to do what you just did. I just thought that you liked doing it. It seemed like you had a bit of fun up there, and I just wanted to see if you would do it again-“

 

“For a guy who usually doesn’t say more than a sentence at a time, you sure are talking a lot.”

 

Lotor looked pissed off. “You’re angry.”

 

“Uh huh,” Keith nodded.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why do you think? I’m being held prisoner, my punishment was something that brought back years of old memories of being abandoned, and having to abandon people I loved.”

 

He had already said too much. But he hadn’t even started.

 

He was going to keep his mouth shut.

 

“You did not have a good time on earth, did you?” Lotor asked.

 

Keith shrugged.

 

“Come on, you were just talking about it. Who abandoned you? Who did you abandon?” Lotor pressed.

 

Keith wouldn’t budge.

 

“Was it a girl? A girlfriend? A boy? A boyfriend? Parent? Both parents? Did someone die?”

 

“Would you just shut up?” Keith shouted.

 

Lotor deflated.

 

“I’m trying to get to know you better. You aren’t the only one who is lonely.”

 

Keith tilted his head back until it hit the cell wall. “How am I supposed to know friendly chit chat from you trying to take advantage of my emotions?”

 

“Touché.”

 

They sat in silence for awhile. A long while. It was nice.

 

Until Lotor moved over next to Keith.

 

“You know, there is friendly chit chat, but there is also more than friendly chit chat.”

 

Lotor scooted until their thighs were touching. Keith scooted away.

 

Lotor’s hand was on his inner thigh. Keith swatted it away.

 

Lotor kept pressing into Keith. Keith moved away.

 

Lotor was persistent, but Keith was too. He was not about to do anything with Lotor, at least not with consent.

 

“Don’t you love women?” Keith asked, frustrated.

 

Lotor met his eyes. “Love knows not gender.”

 

Of fucking course he was a poetic. Keith scooted farther away.

 

“You’re not in love with me. I’m not having sex with you. You are not doing anything to me.”

 

“Technically, I can do what I want with my prisoners.”

 

Keith scooted as far away as possible. He would do this all night if he had to.

 

Suddenly Lotor was hovering over him. Keith folded in on himself. He put his head on top of his knees. This was not happening. This was not happening.

 

Lotor was pushing his chin up, Lotor was kissing him furiously.

 

Lotor was taking off his shirt.

 

Everything seemed to stop. Lotor even stepped away. Thank goodness. Keith went back to sitting in the corner.

 

“What are you wearing under your shirt?” Lotor asked.

 

Keith did not answer.

 

“Keith what are you wearing, answer me or I swear I’ll hit you.”

 

Still, Keith was stubborn.

 

“Keith!”

 

“It’s a fucking binder.”

 

Keith was defeated. He didn’t even care anymore. Sitting in the corner was good. He could just sit there for eternity, until Lance or the team came to get him. Until Lotor left, until he passed out from exhaustion.

 

“I believe I’ve heard of those before,” Lotor said curiously.

 

Lotor was grabbing Keith’s arms and pulling him up from the ground. Keith stood there, arms crossed over himself.

 

He didn’t dare look up.

 

Lotor was unzipping his binder. Lotor was taking off his binder.

 

Keith was vulnerable. Keith did not have anything covering himself.

 

“Interesting,” Lotor hummed.

 

Keith stared at the floor.

 

“It seems you have female genitalia.”

 

“Thanks for the information,” Keith scowled.

 

Lotor was taking a step forward. Lotor was kissing him again.

 

Lotor was touching his boobs.

 

Keith pushed Lotor off him and onto the ground. “Get off of me you creepy sick pig!”

 

Keith put his shirt back on and sat back in the corner.

 

This was bad, this was bad, this was bad.

 

Lotor was a creep, he wanted sex and that was it, he had touched them oh god.

 

Keith was going to be sick. So he was. He threw up next to himself.

 

Lotor had a guard come in and clean it up.

 

Lotor had apologized, Keith wasn’t having it. That was enough for one day. Or night. Keith didn’t even know how much time had passed. Lotor had left. Keith wasn’t answering his questions, he wouldn't talk. Quite honestly, Keith wasn’t listening to half of what Lotor was saying.

 

He knew that he didn’t get any sleep.

 

Lotor was in his cell again the next day. Keith scooted as far away as possible, and tried to melt into the wall.

 

He never did.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

Keith didn’t know that though. So he kept his head down and didn’t talk.

 

“I’m sorry about last night. I was out of line.”

 

Nothing.

 

“I did research.”

 

Keith lifted his head a little bit. Lotor did research? On what?

 

“Humans are strange, yet we have something sort of like this for our kind. You did not wish to be born a female, did you?”

 

Keith fully looked up. He nodded his head.

 

“You are… transgender? Is that correct?”

 

Keith nodded once again.

 

“You experience gender dysphoria?”

 

Another nod.

 

“Your real name is not Keith Kogane, is it?”

 

Keith spoke. “Please don’t-“

 

“What is your name?” Lotor asked.

 

“Don’t do this to me. Please,” Keith begged.

 

“What. Is. Your. Name? Do not make me ask again. I will be very mad.”

 

Keith mumbled incoherently.

 

“Please speak up. I can not hear what you are saying.”

 

“Keiara Kogane. My name is Keiara Kogane.”

 

Keith looked up to find Lotor with a signature smirk. Nothing would be the same. He would not be Keith for awhile. He hated that, but he would get used to it.

 

It would make him feel terrible. But he could handle it. As long as something like what happened last night did not happen again.

 

As long as he knew team Voltron could come at any minute to help him get out of this personal hell.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lance was about to take blue out to go get Keith. He had packed a bag, his Bayard, some clothes, food, and water. He was going to leave.

 

Something stopped him. It was the feeling he was being watched.

 

“Hello?” He called out quietly.

 

No response. Wonderful. He was paranoid.

 

But then something was in front of him, Lance jumped back with a squeak.

 

It was only Pidge.

 

“Just where do you think you’re going?” She asked him.

 

“I’m going to get Keith.”

 

Pidge laughed. “You think that that is a good idea? Do you have a plan? Or are you just gonna… get onto a Galra ship, mysterious save the day, and get the damsel in distress?”

 

She was right. Lance didn’t have any sort of plan. “First of all, Keith is not a damsel. He would probably help me once I got to him. Unless he’s injured. Second of all, no, I don’t have a plan. You’re right. I should just wait until later.”

 

Suddenly a second figure jumped out.

 

Hunk.

 

“No, we should go get him as soon as possible. Shiro is being kind of dumb with this,” Hunk said.

 

Lance eyed them warily. “Okay, there is no “we” in this. I’m going by myself, you two shouldn’t get hurt.”

 

“And you should?” Pidge asked.

 

“Yeah, Lance. If you’re saving Keith, we’re coming with you. We’re a team, for goodness sake,” Hunk agreed.

 

Lance sighed in annoyance. “I guess I can’t do anything about it.”

 

Hunk and Pidge both shook their heads at the same time.

 

Lance ran a tired hand through his hair. “Alright then, let’s go. Pidge, did you track where the ship is from the video Lotor sent?”

 

Pidge snorted. “Yeah of course, I’m not an idiot.”

Lance started walking. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go save our red paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned before, this kinda sucks
> 
> Come bother me to get my dang updates out sooner on tumblr - applepieforforever 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> count of people who know: 3 (4 if you count Lotor)
> 
> Is it so bad?: eh, depends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy it’s been awhile I know, I’ve been busy with school stuff but uh. Here. It’s not the best, but I tried

Lance actually had no idea what he was doing. Shiro was going to be super pissed that most of the team left to get Keith. If they weren’t successful… then, well. Lance did not want to think about that.

 

They would rescue Keith. They had to.

 

Pidge had come up with a brilliant plan. They would leave the lions far from the ship as possible so that they did not look suspicious. Then, Pidge would hack into the defense systems to get the shield down.

 

They would enter, and Pidge and Hunk would both go to the control room to try to find where Keith was. Lance was to wait until they found out where he was, then go find the cell he was being kept in. And bust him out.

 

Pidge told Lance that all he had to do was take down a guard, take his keys, then unlock the cell. Then they ran.

 

If Keith was injured for whatever reason, Lance was to carry him and go as fast as possible. The sooner they got out, the better. The less possibility of getting caught, the better.

 

Lance just hoped he was alive.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lotor had taken Keith’s shirt because he wanted to “inspect his binder,” for some strange reason. He might’ve just wanted to look at it, see why people on earth used them.

 

Lotor constantly asked Keith questions about it. Most of the time, Keith gave one word answers or ignored him altogether.

 

It wasn’t too bad, every now and then Lotor would touch Keith, but Keith would slap his hand away quickly.

 

God, Keith just wanted to be out of there. He kept telling himself it could be worse, it could be Martha.

 

Which. True.

 

He knew people had it worse. He knew that being touched once was nothing compared to whatever other people went through.

 

He couldn’t help but feel like all his problems were fake. He wanted to leave badly, Lotor was an asshole who didn’t even know what consent was. Apparently things were different in space than they were on earth.

 

Lotor had told him. He would just pick someone, and they would do anything with him.

 

It could also have to do with Lotor being a prince.

 

But. Still.

 

It was gross. Lotor thought he could just take whatever he wanted, Keith included.

 

Well, he was wrong. Keith was not letting that creep any closer to him than he had to be. Keith would just have to power through it, sure it was cold in his cell, he always had goosebumps, but people were freezing. People were dying.

 

His situation was not ideal, but it was not as bad as it could get. He could’ve been killed by now, or tortured. Instead, all he’s done is pole dancing, and being asked questions about his gender.

 

Apparently Lotor had been doing research.

 

He asked Keith to explain how dysphoria felt.

 

That was definitely one that Keith ignored.

 

It was very hard to explain exactly how dysphoria felt. Constricting? Unusual? Not right?

 

It was like he was the last piece in a puzzle, but the piece didn’t fit. Either someone screwed up the dang puzzle, or he was in the wrong one.

 

Of course, he couldn’t say that to Lotor. He couldn’t make himself vulnerable to Lotor, although he did already feel so with his shirt off.

 

Keith huddled into himself to stay warm, the never ending array of goosebumps on his arms and legs only got more prominent by the minute. He really wanted his shirt back.

 

His binder only warmed him up so much. And he had to take it off after Lotor left so that he could breathe for a bit. Then once he heard footsteps approaching, he slipped it back on.

 

He hoped team Voltron would hurry to get him out of there.

 

He was stupid to think they were even coming for him. He left them. Left them. Why should they even bother trying to save him? Did they even know he was there? Most likely not. Keith was going to be there forever.

 

He was going to be there forever.

 

Forever.

 

Keith took a couple breaths and tried to remain calm. It didn’t really work.

 

Just to put the cherry on top of it all, Lotor came right in while he was having some sort of weird panic.

 

Immediately Lotor noticed he was having trouble breathing. Wonderful.

 

Keith was panting really hard, and Lotor sat at his side asking him if he was alright.

 

Wondering what he could do to help.

 

Strange, Lotor wanted to help someone other than himself for a change. Keith guesses miracles do happen.

 

Eventually Keith could semi-breathe again. Lotor looked sort of… confused.

 

He gave Keith this look that read “what the fuck was that, and how did it happen?”

 

Keith wasn’t about to tell him that he was never getting out of this place.

 

So instead, he came up with one big ass lie.

 

Great.

 

When Lotor actually voiced his look and asked what had happened, instead of telling the truth, Keith, well.

 

He kind of said that he was overwhelmed with the small space of his cell. That he didn’t like small spaces.

 

Lotor offered to take him to his private garden.

 

Keith said he would be alright without it.

 

Lotor offered him a glass of water, Keith took the offer. When it came, he inspected it. It looked like a regular glass of water, so he downed it.

 

He would be more than alright without going to some creepy garden with the guy who had not so consensually touched him.

 

This had, in itself, been an experience. Keith had, in his short time on the ship, pole danced, froze, got asked questions, panicked, and more.

 

Why did his brain sound like an infomercial.

 

He really was going insane. Lance had to hurry.

 

Wait.

 

Since when did he assume Lance, of all people, would be the one to come get him?

 

Did Keith wish Lance would be the one to get him? Yes. Was it likely? Absolutely not. Lance was still pissed at Keith for being rude and sarcastic all the time, Keith couldn’t even blame him.

 

God, he was such an asshole to everyone. If he could turn back time, he would make an effort to be a nicer person. He would actually talk to Lance, he would never have left the team. He might’ve even explained why he was upset to them.  

 

But Keith had to face the facts. He was no magician. He was in the present, and he could not go back and fix his past mistakes. He was stuck. On an enemy ship, in a cold cell, with some creep-o alien that wanted to get with him.

 

Yeah, Keith was doing just peachy.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lance, Pidge, and Hunk left their lions a bit away from the ship. Meaning the ship was just a speck in the atmosphere.

 

Pidge had said the ship was not moving, and she also said that they should not be moving for awhile.

 

It was estimated to take half an hour to fly all the way over to the ship. Those were Pidge’s calculations, so of course Lance believed they were right.

 

And they were. While flying over, Pidge had gotten rid of their shield of defense, so they could slip right in when ships were going out.

 

They found the hangar where the ships were being kept, and it seemed as if every ten minutes or so a ship was sent out. So they had to wait ten minutes for the hangar door to open before they could slip in. That was fine. As much as Lance wanted to get Keith back as soon as possible, it wouldn’t work without a steady, carefully planned out plan.

 

He couldn’t just barge in and demand they give him Keith. If he had that power, Keith would already be with him. Them. Keith would already be with them.

 

God, he was a hopeless wreck.

 

All three of them hid next to the hangar, unseen. Hunk was keeping an eye on the hangar, for when it opened. Any moment now, any minute they could get in there and get right back out again. Any hope that lingered in the back of Lance’s mind needed to resurface itself now.

 

Lance had to have hope. That Keith was alive, and safe, and well. That he was okay. If he didn’t have hope, there was nothing to fuel his imagination, or his action.

 

Nothing could stop him now. Not even if he found out that Keith was dead. Lance would charge in there until he saw a body. Until the body he saw was Keith’s, and afterwards he would destroy Lotor for capturing the red paladin.

 

Yeah, you could say that Lance was more than a little pissed off. The raging fear inside of him fed his hunger for answers.

 

Any minute. Any minute until he goes inside.

 

The doors open. They wait for the ship.

 

Then they go.

 

Inside was giant, like always in a Galra ship. No guards were around, which was a plus for them. Pidge and Hunk quietly rushed to wherever the control room was supposed to be. Lance had to hide until he had direction to go from where he was.

 

He spotted a closet, so Lance tried the door. It opened. No one was in the closet. So, Lance figured it was as good a hiding spot as any. He closed and locked the door behind him.

 

Now he waited. He hoped that Pidge and Hunk didn’t take too long with the directions. The longer he waited in the closet, the more the chance of being caught. The last thing Lance wanted was to be stuck with the Galra with Keith. He was there to help Keith, not be an idiot and make everything worse than it was.

 

The closet was quite small. Lance hated the feeling. He wanted to get out of it, fast. So, he opened the door a small crack. There didn’t seem to be any Galra nearby, so he opened the door a bit more, to see if he could find any other place to run to.

 

There was a hall that lead somewhere, and Lance knew that the Galra didn’t come from that way, or go that way. It was just there.

 

So Lance booked it. It worked out better than he expected, he hid in a little indent place near some door. Everything was going smoothly, soon they would get Keith out of there.

 

“Lance? Do you copy?” Pidge spoke over the intercom.

 

“Yeah, do you have directions?” Lance replied.

 

“Yep. You need to go right, then left, then left again. The cell should be on your right side,” Hunk explained.

 

Lance nodded to himself. He could do this. After all, it was just a few hallways. Nothing big.

 

He made his way down the first one, slowly. Stopping at any little indent he found, every door, every corner. Checking to see if a guard was coming.

 

Sometimes they were, and they didn’t seem to notice Lance. Lance was forever grateful for that.

 

He was getting close. Really close. And he still didn’t have a plan for when he got there. Taking out a guard could cause too much damage, or draw attention to him. Lance would have to steal a key from someone. But how?

 

Lance made his way around the corner, and he was in the hallway. The one they had Keith in. Lance looked for the room number, but once he found it, there was a voice inside.

 

It was a bit muffled, but could still be heard.

 

“I told you that you shouldn’t have kept that thing on for a long time! Now look what’s happened, you’re covered in bruises. You stupid bitch, what am I going to do now? I can’t put you back on stage like this!”

 

Lance recognized that voice. It was Lotor. He didn’t sound very happy.

 

It seemed like Lotor was leaving, so Lance got out of the way. The door swung open in a wide arc, and Lotor stormed away. His guards followed. Lance luckily jumped and caught the door with his foot before it closed all the way. Thank goodness for slow closing doors. Before anyone came to see him, he slipped inside, keeping his hand in the door so it didn’t close and lock.

 

The sight on the inside of the room, well. It was a sight to see. Keith sat in the very far corner, hugging his knees to himself and not looking up. He didn’t have a shirt on, for whatever reason, and it was about forty degrees in the room.

 

Maybe some weird sort of punishment? Slowly freezing?

 

How did Lance go about this? Keith seemed completely unaware that Lance was even in the room with him.

 

Deciding there was no other way, Lance spoke.

 

“Keith?”

 

“Go away, Lotor,” he growled. “I told you not to come near me anymore.”

 

Lance shook his head. “No, Keith. It’s not Lotor. It’s Lance, please look up.”

 

Keith lifted his head slightly. “How am I supposed to know it’s you and not some weird hologram that the Galra are testing out?”

 

Lance sighed. “We got your note, at the castle. Would the Galra know about that? Or how we were all completely shattered when you left us? How stupid it was that you even left? Would they know any of that?”

 

Keith stood on shaky legs. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Getting you out. Duh. That’s why I’m holding the door here with my hand,” Lance replied.

 

Keith walked over to Lance. Lance opened the door slightly.

 

“Alright, I’m not sure how we’re gonna do this. Can you run? Are you hurt?” Lance asked.

 

Keith looked down at himself as if to check to see if he wasn’t hurt. “I’m not hurt, I can run. Don’t worry. Are the lions nearby?”

 

Lance swore. “We didn’t think about how to get you to the lions. Damn it. We’re so close.”

 

“Shut up,” he said. “I’ll just take out a guard and use his suit. It’ll be hard, but it’s possible.”

 

Lance tried to cut him off, but Keith was already in the hallway. Keith ran down the corridor, looking for a guard. There was one at the end of the hallway. Keith ran right up to him, and tackled him to the ground, the skull made a sickening crack against the ground, and Lance could only hope the helmet wasn’t damaged.

 

Keith carefully slipped on the armor and helmet. It was a bit big on him, but he managed. Once they had that done, they made a break for the hangar. No one was following them, surprisingly. They just sprinted down the hall, easily making it there.

 

Lance had no plan. It’s not like he ever has a plan, but now one would be quite useful. Lance had messaged Hunk and Pidge, they were on their way to then hangar. Lance and Keith had to wait for them. Then, they had to find a way to make it past a whole bunch of Galra, and time it so that they made it out alive. Not as hard as it sounds, right?

 

Wrong. Even waiting Lance was terrified they would get caught. Keith didn’t seem to be concerned, but maybe he was in shock from being rescued. Rescue-shock. Yeah, that’s a thing, right? Lance was seriously considering running back to the cell and being Lotor’s prisoner for eternity.

 

No, he wasn’t. Besides, the whole reason he came was so Keith could get out. All of them being captured seemed a little counterproductive. Plus, Shiro would be absolutely pissed if Lance disobeyed an order and it went wrong. He was kind of riding on everything going right. It was illogical, but then again, so was Lance. It all worked out somehow. Maybe Hunk or Pidge would know what to do.

 

Keith was zoning out. Lance didn’t know why. Maybe he was sick or something? Lotor could’ve done something to him that Lance was not aware of.

 

“You okay bud?” Lance asked.

 

Keith shook his head back into reality. Then he nodded.

 

Not verbal, okay. Lance could work with that. They were so close.

 

Pidge and Hunk arrived right on time.

 

“There you guys are. How are we supposed to get out of here?” Lance asked.

 

Pidge shook her head. “We go behind the ships along the sides, then when we get to the last ship on the end, I’m going to throw a smoke bomb in the opposite direction. It’ll keep them distracted and we will be able to get out.”

 

Lance could roll with that.

 

The hangar doors would open in about a minute.

 

They went on the count of three.

 

“One.”

 

They all got ready to run down the side.

 

“Two.”

 

Lance could see the other side.

 

“Three.”

 

And they were off. Lance had to pull Keith along. He didn’t seem to be doing too well. But they were making it. They were three quarters of he way there when the hangar opened. They had roughly a minute to get there. And they got there. Something felt really off, but they made it over.

 

Pidge threw her smoke bomb, it went off, and all the Galra curiously went over to inspect. Meanwhile, the four of them escaped.

 

Lance dragged Keith through space, Keith’s armor didn’t have a jetpack. Apparently the Galra weren’t prepared to float through space without a ship. Even if the armor did have a jetpack, Lance didn’t think Keith would be using it. Something was wrong with Keith, Lance didn’t know what it was, but he was kind of dazed and not really awake at all. Lance would check it out when he got back to blue.

 

They had eventually reached their lions, after a couple of minutes, and Keith was dead weight. Not dead, but he wasn’t moving. He might’ve passed out. Lance hurried into blue the second she opened.

 

Sure enough, Keith was passed out. Lance put him on the ground, he didn’t know what to do besides go back to the castle, or radio Hunk.

 

So, he did the only logical thing and radioed both Hunk and Pidge just in case. Pidge was also very smart and useful, one of them would probably know what to do.

 

“Hey, do any of you guys know reasons why someone might be passed out?”

 

“What did you do this time, Lance,” Pidge replied.

 

“Nothing! I didn’t do anything, I swear!”

 

“Is everything alright?” Hunk asked.

 

“Keith is passed out in here, I have no idea why. How long will it take to get to the castle?”

 

“At most twenty minutes. Do you think he’ll last that long?” Pidge asked.

 

“He’s not dead,” Lance said. “He still has a pulse, he’s just not conscious.”

 

“Oh,” Hunk said. “He should be fine then, give him some time to wake up and such.”

 

Lance nodded, but then realized they couldn’t see him. “Alright, will do.”

 

“Good luck, loverboy,” Pidge said.

 

Lance was about to reply when Pidge turned off her com.

 

That little rascal was going to get it, she did not have the right to call him that. Who does she think he is?

 

Well, she wasn’t wrong. Lance swooned whenever Keith walked in the door. It was kind of pathetic. But at the same time, Keith didn’t seem to notice, so it was all okay. At least it was to Lance. It was obvious to all others, which at the time, he did not know. Keith could not seem to tell, and as long as no one told him, Lance was in the clear. He didn’t think any of his teammates would betray him like that, but he was a little sketchy with how Shiro would react. Or Coran and Allura, would they let something slip by accident?

 

Lance was tired of thinking about it. He was tired of worrying. So he just kept still, and kept flying.

 

About ten minutes later, he heard shuffling from the back. Then a small, yet not unheard, groan.

 

Keith was awake. What did Lance do? Did he call to him? Did he keep quiet?

 

Luckily he didn’t have to, Keith spoke. “Hello? Is there anyone there?”

 

Lance responded. “Yeah, Keith. It’s Lance. I’m flying right now, if I weren’t I would totally go back and talk to you.”

 

“You’re flying… with all the lights off?” Keith asked.

 

Lance shook his head. “What do you mean? The lights are on, I can see perfectly fine.”

 

There was more shuffling. “Is this a joke? Is that really you, Lance? If that’s actually Lotor messing with me, go away, I told you I didn’t want to go back there. You said you wouldn’t make me, so I don’t see the big deal, if you want me to go so bad why not just force me on stage?”

 

“What? What are you talking about? I came to get you out of your cell, we went back, now we’re going to the castle. I swear, it’s actually me.”

 

“I thought that was a dream,” Keith said.

 

“Luckily it wasn’t,” Lance responded.

 

“Where are the others?” Keith asked.

 

“Pidge and Hunk are flying back as well right now. We went to go get you without Shiro knowing. He’ll be pissed, but it’ll be worth it,” Lance stated.

 

Keith sighed. “Yeah, he’ll be mad. He can deal with it though. I hope. You didn’t have to do that, you know. I was already a mess, and a terrible person, so you should’ve left me there to, I don’t know, die or something.”

 

That kind of got Lance heated. “What? You’re not a terrible person, Keith. Stop talking like that. You are stupid for leaving though, we want you there, and need you there.”

 

There was a bit more shuffling. Keith had stood up. “Where are you? I still can’t see. What did he do to me while I was unconscious?”

 

Lance glances behind him. “Oh my god, Keith if you can’t see, don’t stand up and fall! We don’t need you getting hurt. Once we get to the castle we can figure this out.”

 

“You didn’t answer my question. What happened when I was knocked out?” Keith asked again.

 

“You- what? Who are you talking about? Nothing bad happened when you were knocked out, we got out of the hangar, and here we are.”

 

Keith came up next to him and grasped the arm of the chair. “Oh. I thought he would’ve done something.”

 

Lance looked at him, even though he couldn’t see Lance. “Done something?”

 

“Look, I’m not the best person to explain this, but I’m pretty sure you know what getting roofied means,” Keith sat on the arm of the chair.

 

“You think he roofied you?” Lance asked. “And you think that he was going to do something to you while you were out?”

 

“Well, yeah. I can’t see, he probably made me blind or something. He might’ve put me back on stage, might’ve killed me. Who knows what he was planning to do, really?”

 

Lance sighed. “He didn’t do anything to you before, did he?”

 

Keith turned towards him. “Depends on what that means, he did a lot of things.”

 

Lance sighed, exasperated. “Can you not give me a single straight answer?”

 

Keith stood up and shuffled away, holding onto the chair as he did so. “I’ll just go over here, then. Sorry for bothering you.”

 

“Keith no you’re gonna fall, get back here!” Lance exclaimed.

 

“Why do you think I’m going to fall? I can walk perfectly fine,” Keith laughed.

 

“Look, I get you probably don’t want to talk about whatever happened there, or even why you left in the first place, but Shiro is going to want answers. So you might want to get something together before he slaps you,” Lance said.

 

Keith sighed. “Yeah. He wouldn’t slap me though.”

 

Lance smirked. “You never know, he’s capable of many things.”

 

“You don’t know him that well, Lance,” Keith said.

 

“I know he could whip you into shape if he wanted to,” Lance shot back.

 

“He promised me a long time ago never to hit me, so I don’t think he would do that,” Keith replied.

 

“Why would be promise not to hit you? You knew him before now?” Lance asked.

 

Keith clutched the chair harder. “None of your business,” he snapped.

 

Lance raised an eyebrow. “Okay? Sorry, jeez don’t go all haywire on me here, I’m just asking.”

 

“Asking something very personal.”

 

“How was I supposed to know that was very personal?”

 

“Look, I don’t want to fight here, Lance.”

 

“You’re the one who literally shuts himself down whenever someone asks you something. Why? What could have possibly happened that was so bad?” Lance asked.

 

“You’re being insensitive, I told you to stop asking me questions.”

 

“I’m being insensitive? You’re the one shutting me down at every chance you get!” Lance shouted.

 

Keith took a few steps away. “Please don’t yell at me.”

 

“Apparently it’s the only way to get in your head!” Lance shouted again.

 

“Don’t yell at me, please. I swear I’ll tell you something, just give me a minute,” Keith said quietly.

 

So they sat in silence. This was the opposite of how Lance wanted this to go. He couldn’t help it though, one minute he was fine, the next he was yelling. Keith was blind, they had five minutes to get their act together, and on top of that, Lance couldn’t control his temper. Why didn’t Keith just trust them? Why couldn’t Keith just trust him?

 

“I’m sorry I caused all of this, I should never have left. I’m so stupid, I know it was a bad decision, but you were mad at me, and everyone was mad at me, and I couldn’t breathe I needed space, so I did what I always do, I ran away. You have every right to be mad at me and never talk to me ever again,” Keith explained.

 

Lance’s face twisted. “I’m not- what? I wasn’t mad at you. I’m not mad now. I just don’t understand why you left in the first place, we all want you there. I want you there.”

 

“You? You want me there?” Keith asked.

 

“Well, yeah. Of course I do, I don’t hate you, you know,” Lance said. In fact, it was the complete opposite.

 

“No, actually. I didn’t know,” Keith said. “I thought you didn’t like me, we’re always competing for whatever.”

 

“You’re oblivious, then,” Lance stated.

 

“Gee thanks,” Keith shot back.

 

“I love you.”

 

He had said it. It was out in the open. He was going to cry, he shouldn’t have done that. He’ll never be able to talk to Keith again.

 

“You- wait. What? I don’t know what to- to say to that.”

 

“You don’t have to say it back.”

 

“What if I wanted to?” He asked.

 

“Do you want to?” Lance asked.

 

“I don’t know, I just found out that you didn’t actually hate me. So, uh. Yeah, I think. I think I do?” Keith said.

 

“If you don’t, don’t lie to me. I’d rather just hear the truth here and now.”

 

“I do, I really do, you know. I can’t see you, but I know you’re pouting right now because of the way your voice sounds.”

 

“You know my facial expression with my voice?” Lance asked.

 

“Yeah, of course,” he said. He slapped his hand over his mouth.

 

Lance smirked. “You know my facial expression now then?”

 

“Wipe that smirk off your face I swear-“

 

“How do you do that?” Lance asked.

 

“Listen for a bit and maybe you’ll find out. It’s been awhile.”

 

“Keith?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“We’re back at the castle, so uh. We might need to get our stuff together now. What do you want to say?” Lance asked.

 

“I’ll just wing it,” Keith said.

 

“You’re up for that?” Lance questioned.

 

“No, but I’m gonna try my best to be up for that,” Keith replied.

 

“Sounds like a plan. And Keith?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“This conversation isn’t over, we still need to figure out stuff that’s going on. Okay?” Lance asked.

 

“Yeah yeah, I know. Will you lead me inside? I still can’t see. We need to figure that out too. If Lotor really roofied me or whatnot,” Keith said.

 

“Of course. I’m gonna kill him if he did that,” Lance said.

 

Lance put his arm around Keith’s waist, and they took a step. Then another. Then another. It wasn’t so bad.

 

Funny how this was the easiest part of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I evil for that? Probably. Hopefully I’ll have another update soon! Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Come bother me to update sooner on tumblr - applepieforforever


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amount of people who know: everyone :,)
> 
> Is it alright?: no, but it will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So. Welcome to the last chapter before the epilogue. I’d like to thank everyone who has stayed with this story for awhile, and thank the new people as well. This whole thing in my opinion, could be better. When I first started writing it I had no idea what I was doing. But, here we are now. So, please enjoy, and if you don’t, please don’t @ me

Promptly after walking inside, it hit Keith that he couldn’t see. And he might not be able to see ever again. Not the worst thing in the world, but at the same time, he couldn’t see how he looked. If he was passing or not, if he had somehow gotten wider hips. That was going to be a major problem, at least in the future. For now, he felt sort of comfortable. Lance had his arm wrapped around Keith’s waist, so it was nice. Lance was warm, Keith was not. 

 

Keith was really, really cold. The armor did nothing for him being freezing, Keith still was practically naked under it. The cell he was in was almost like a freezer, and it was a bit warmer in the lion, but Keith felt like he would have to put on ten sweaters before he was even relatively warm again. 

 

Lance tightened his grip around Keith’s waist. “You okay?”

 

Keith sighed and took another step forwards, promptly tripping and falling on what he assumed was stairs. 

 

He could hear Lance giggle behind him. 

 

_ It’s because he thinks you’re pathetic. He doesn’t like you, he’s laughing at you.  _

 

Keith told his mind to shut up. He needed to stop thinking like that. Lance was laughing, Keith could choose to laugh with him. He didn’t, though. He stayed down on the stairs. Lance stopped laughing and moved somewhere. He might’ve left, Keith wouldn’t blame him. Keith started to try and stand up, but someone pushed him back down. 

 

“Lance?” Keith questioned. 

 

Someone put a hand on his ankle. “I’m here. You hit your ankle pretty hard, I’m just seeing if it’s twisted or not. It’s a bit swollen, can you stand on it?”

 

Keith pushed himself up off the ground and tried to stand on the foot. It sent him stumbling to the ground, but before he hit, arms were wrapped around him. “Woah woah woah, okay. I’ll just carry you then. It’s all good.”

 

Keith did not like that idea, but there wasn’t really another option. “Okay.”

 

Lance put one arm under his knees and the other meat his back, so he could carry Keith bridal style. “Ready?” He asked. 

 

See, normal people would not ask Keith if he was ready. They would just swoop him up without a warning. At one of his old schools, before he was transitioning, it was a big problem for all the boys to pick up the girls like that in the hallway. Keith was often picked up like that, he was also often shoved into the trash afterwards. 

 

With a small nod, Lance had picked him up. “Oh my god, when was the last time you ate? You’re pretty light.”

 

Keith laughed. “I don’t think it works like that. Muscle weighs more than fat, and even then the food in your stomach doesn’t weigh much.”

 

Lance started walking. “When did you get so smart?”

 

“When did you lose common sense?” Keith shot back. 

 

Lance tried to shrug, but it didn’t work well, because Keith was in his arms. 

 

“Hey, Keith,” Lance started. 

 

“What?” Keith asked. 

 

Lance smirked his signature smirk. “Now  _ I’m  _ cradling  _ you  _ in my arms.”

 

Keith lightly slapped his arm. “So you  _ do  _ remember you dick!”

 

Lance laughed but did not say anything else. 

 

“Hey, Lance?” Keith questioned. 

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Where are we going?” 

 

Lance sighed. “We’ve gotta go to the dining hall to have a group meeting. Shiro is gonna be pissed, but it’s all okay.”

 

Keith tilted his head. “Why would Shiro be pissed besides you sneaking out?”

 

Lance did not answer. 

 

“Lance. Answer the question. Why would he be pissed?” Keith repeated. 

 

The brunette slowed down. “Well, you see. What happened was, I was going to sneak out by myself to try to get you, but Pidge and Hunk stopped me. Thank goodness they did, I probably wouldn’t make it out alive if they didn’t intercept.”

 

Keith crossed his arms. “What you mean to tell me, is that you were about to go on some giant suicide mission to come get me when it could have easily been avoided? And you’re just repeating what you told me ten minutes ago.”

 

Lance grunted in frustration. “No, you don’t get it. Shiro refused to let us go in case it was just a trap or something. It wasn’t a trap, Lotor actually had you and could’ve done things to you. Luckily he didn’t. Right? Besides the whole roofie thing. ”

 

Keith shrugged. “Lotor is not a nice person. We all know that by now.”

 

Lance went rigid. “I’m going to kill him.”

 

“Lance, don’t get so upset. This is my fault for leaving, he wouldn’t have been able to do any of what he did if I didn’t run out,” Keith tried to calm Lance down. 

 

Lance sighed. “Suppose so, but he doesn’t get the right to hurt you.”

 

Keith changed the topic. “Are we almost there?”

 

“Yeah, we’re here now. I’m gonna put you in the chair next to mine.”

 

Keith was fine with that. Beyond fine. He felt Lance shift, then he was put onto something cold and hard, which Keith assumed was a chair. He couldn’t hear voices, so he thought he was the first one there. He was wrong. 

 

“Lance, what did you think you were doing?” Shiro’s hard voice said from across the table somewhere. 

 

Now Keith heard it. Movements. Everyone was already there, he and Lance were last to the table. Shiro probably wasn’t happy about that either. Shiro wanted to get right to the point, he did not sound happy or in the mood for reasoning. Keith didn’t know what his problem was. He was alive, wasn’t he? Shouldn’t Shiro be grateful that Lance brought Keith back alive? 

 

Keith could hear Lance shuffling around. “I wasn’t. I wasn’t thinking about anything except for getting Keith out.”

 

Shiro scoffed. “You didn’t stop to actually think about what you were doing? Putting the entire team in jeopardy? Just to save one person?”

 

“That one person is your brother. You should be thanking me-“

 

“Thanking you? You really don’t realize the cost on the team. If you’re not going to be smart about this, you might as well just not be here!” Shiro yelled. 

 

“You can’t talk to him like that. We need him on the team just as much as we need everyone,” Keith said. 

 

Shiro pounded his hand on the table. “Says you! You left, again. You promised to never do that. Turns out I can’t trust you after all.”

 

Keith stood up. “Sorry that I’m a giant burden to you, maybe I should’ve just stayed with Martha until I got into the Garrison. It wouldn’t be so bad, right Shiro?”

 

Keith sat back down. Shiro didn’t speak for a minute or two. “What she did to you was unacceptable. You  _ needed  _ us, Keith. We were your family.”

 

“Until you left for the Garrison and your parents died! Where did that leave me? Back into the system. Into more homes that weren’t bad, but weren’t good. You left me to live on my own until I grew out of the system,” Keith said. 

 

The tension in the room was obvious. “You know I did everything I could. I tried to help you, but you kept running away from me, from all of us.”

 

Pidge interjected. “Look, guys. Obviously there are things you two need to work through on your own time, but let’s focus on the problem at hand. We got Keith back, didn’t we? He’s here, he’s safe.”

 

“Look at him! His ankle is bruised, he can’t see! He had to be carried in by Lance! Who knows what else Lotor did to him!” Shiro exclaimed. 

 

Lance was the one to stand up now. “Lotor would’ve done a lot more if we didn’t get Keith when we did.”

 

“I don’t think it’s right for you to talk right now, Lance,” Shiro said. 

 

Lance walked away from the table. “Not right? I’ll show you what’s not right. What’s not right is that your brother had to stay with Lotor for longer than he should’ve. Lotor was the one to make Keith blind, he gave Keith something in his drink to make him that way. It’s not our fault that Keith came back like this-“

 

“You don’t get my point,” Shiro interrupted. “The point is, what I’d something happened where we needed the team while you guys were out?”

 

Hunk spoke up. “But nothing did happen. Plus, we wouldn’t even be able to form Voltron without Keith there, so was there a better point to your argument that we aren’t seeing?”

 

Shiro groaned in frustration. “Listen. All I’m saying is, without all of you here, there would only be one lion. The black lion. And as much as I can try to hold an enemy off on my own, I can’t do it for very long. If you guys didn’t come back when you did, I might not be here right now.”

 

“If we didn’t save Keith when we did, he might not be here right now,” Lance growled. 

 

Keith put his hand on Lance’s arm. “Lance it’s okay, I’m fine. Really.”

 

“Is that the truth? How am I supposed to know that’s the truth? You won’t tell us anything about what happened!” Lance shouted. 

 

“Please, I don’t like it when you shout-“

 

“Once again, it seems shouting is the only way to get it in your mind that we all care about you! We all want you here!” Lance continued. 

 

Keith tried to shrink himself away from Lance before Lance could do anything to hurt him. 

 

“Look what you’ve done now, idiot. He doesn’t want to be near you because you shouted at him,” Shiro said. 

 

Lance slammed his hand on the table. “Why would that bother him? Why does shouting bother him so much?”

 

Keith tried to slink away even more. “You really don’t know that? I thought he would’ve told you by now,” smirked Shiro. 

 

“Shiro please-“

 

“It was a long time ago. After Keith’s dad died he was put into the foster system-“

 

“Shiro don’t do this,” Keith begged. “I’ll tell them when I’m ready to tell them.”

 

“There were a couple of families before Martha, but they all gave Keith back because he was too much of a hassle, which isn’t true.”

 

“Shiro if Keith doesn’t want us to know, don’t disrespect him like that,” Hunk said. 

 

“Martha had a husband, and a kid that she favored over Keith. She refused to call Keith Keith, though.”

 

“You know about that?” Keith asked. 

 

Shiro rolled his eyes. “We lived together for a long while. How could I not? Anyway. Martha deadnamed him every day, she blamed him for everything. She didn’t let him eat, ever, leaving Keith hungry every night and sticking up on granola bars when he could.”

 

Keith didn’t have to see to know that people were looking at him. He did not appreciate the feeling, nor did he appreciate what Shiro was doing. 

 

“Keith was bullied at school nearly every day for wanting to be called Keith. He was taunted, and even locked in a car for hours because of it. Martha didn’t believe him when he told her this, but Keith still has scars from it.”

 

Keith hated this, he hated it so much. He found Lance’s hand and gripped it with enough strength to strangle someone. Lance squeezed back. 

 

“On top of that, she gave Keith an intense amount of chores to do, he was more like a maid than a child. They lived on a farm, so there was a lot that had to be done. If something was even a little off, Martha would hit him.”

 

Keith didn’t want to hear this. He got up, and tried to leave. Shiro walked around the table and grabbed Keith around the waist. “You’re not allowed to leave yet. We’re just getting started. There’s so much more they don’t know, but need to know.”

 

Keith was forced to sit at the table. “This is insane, Shiro,” he said. 

 

Shiro sat back down. “They need to know. You’re not going to tell them, so I’m taking it into my own hands.”

 

“This isn’t right,” Lance said. 

 

“There’s nothing you can do about it,” Shiro shot back. 

 

“Where was I? Oh yes, on top of that, Keith got a job underage at a strip club, he worked almost every night as a dancer there. Some guys taught him how to do it, I can’t remember their names. But that’s how Keith had enough money to go to the Garrison. From that job,” Shiro said. 

 

Keith didn’t need to hear this, he didn’t need to hear what he already had experienced. He wanted to get up and leave, but he knew Shiro would just force him back again. Keith day through Shiro explaining what happened with Olivia, what happened to Shiro’s parents, right up until they all met each other. At some point, Lance took his hand again and rubbed circles into it with his thumb. 

 

“That was… a lot. Wow, I didn’t know that,” Hunk said. 

 

Keith simply nodded, he did not want to talk at that moment. 

 

“So, Keith,” Shiro drawled. “Are you going to tell us what Lotor did, or are you going to make us wait hours before you do so. They already know pretty much everything about you, so there’s no need to worry about embarrassment.”

 

Keith turned his head away. “I don’t want to, but I guess you’re going to make me anyway. Lotor at first was okay, he didn’t do that much. He put me on a stage and had me pole dance for the Galra, I didn’t know that Galra strip clubs existed. After that, Lotor took me back and was interested in my… situation. He wondered why I identified as male, he did not understand dysphoria. He tried to make a move on me several times, he removed my binder and put his hands on me. After that, he would not give me my shirt back, even though it was like a freezer in the cell.”

 

Lance squeezed his hand tighter. 

 

“So, now you know.”

 

Keith got up and left, no one stopped him this time. 

 

He went straight to his room and locked the door, he flopped down on the bed and let his eyes close. He drifted off to sleep.

 

——————————————————————-

 

Lance was beyond furious with Shiro. Why did he think he had the right to do that? Nothing made sense. That wasn’t okay, it never had been. Keith shouldn’t forgive Shiro right away. 

 

Still, Lance had no idea about anything that had happened in Keith’s life. He knew Keith was an orphan, but that was it. He wasn’t aware that Keith got into the Garrison off of strip club money, or how Lotor assaulted him. He was locked in a hot car for hours because of how he identified. Everything made sense. Lance did not help by shouting or getting in Keith’s space. 

 

He was such an idiot. He had to go apologize. So, Lance fled the room after Keith, and ran to his door. He hovered outside of it for a minute or two. What was he going to say? Should he be doing this? He probably shouldn’t be. So, Lance lowered his fist and decided it would be best to give Keith some time to himself. 

 

Lance walked away from the room, he was still trying to take everything in. Keith was stuck in an abusive household for months. He wasn’t allowed to eat for months. He was called by his deadname for  _ months _ . It just didn’t seem fair. Lance had such an accepting family, when he came out as bi, his mother did as well. Lance loved his family. His sister was trans, Veronica. Lance loved her so much. She accepted Lance. 

 

Why couldn’t Keith’s family be the same?

 

Sometimes Lance really hated the world. He sulked back to his room, and sat at the edge of his bed. He stayed like that for a minute or two, before laying down and shutting his eyes. He was taking a nap, hopefully no one woke him up. 

 

A few minutes into trying to nap, Lance sat up. He couldn’t fall asleep. Everything kept bugging him, every little sound made him twitch. All his senses seemed to go haywire. He couldn’t believe Shiro. Apparently they had been foster brothers, Lance couldn’t imagine what that was like. They trusted each other. Keith has trusted Shiro. Shiro had He just hoped that Shiro would know that what he did was wrong. Terribly wrong. 

 

Lance decided to get up and walk around. He didn’t want to sit around and think about everything that was going on. The almost guaranteed tension between Keith and Shiro. The potential relationship between Lance and Keith. The fact that Keith was hiding away in his room and that wasn’t healthy at all. 

 

Lance would just go get him. Which was his plan before, and he had decided it was a bad idea. And it was, a very,  _ very  _ bad idea. But Lance was concerned, and being locked up in a room wasn’t going to help anyone at all. So Lance picked himself up off the bed and went to go back through the hallways. To Keith’s room. Where this supposed terrible idea would be taking place. 

 

Walking barefoot through the hallway was kind of gross, but Lance really didn’t feel like putting on shoes. So his feet were directly hitting the cold, smooth ground. Keith’s room wasn’t that far away from Lances. Just down the hall. But, Lance took his sweet time just to find the right words. By the time he reached the door, he still didn’t know what he was going to say. Nevertheless, he knocked. 

 

Nothing happened, so he knocked again, a little harder, but still tentatively. A voice arose from the other side. “Go away, whoever it is.”

 

Well, at least Keith was inside the room. He hadn’t gone on any crazy run back to earth missions. 

 

“Keith? It’s Lance. I just want to talk,” Lance tried. 

 

There was no movement from the other side. No shuffling to let Lance in, no click of a lock. Just the same tired voice. “What is there to talk about? Didn’t Shiro say it all?”

 

Lance was going to kill him. “Look, I just want to see how you’re doing. Please, let me in.”

 

There was no rustling for a minute or two. Lance was about to walk away when the lock clicked. Lance collected himself for a second, then pushed on the door. It swung open and let out a creak. He was met with the sight of Keith laying in the bed face up. He was just staring at the ceiling. No movement, just him looking upwards. 

 

“Keith?” Lance asked. 

 

He didn’t sit up, or even look up at Lance. “Yeah?”

 

Lance took a step closer. “Well… are you like… okay?”

 

Keith didn’t sit up to that either. “Nope,” he just replied without hesitation. 

 

Lance stepped even closer, and decided to sit at the edge of the bed. Keith didn’t look up or flinch at that, which was either good, or very bad. “Can you say why? Or just look at me?”

 

Keith then sat up, he looked directly at Lance. “You wouldn’t understand.”

 

He had a point, a big point. Lance probably wouldn’t be able to understand. But he was willing to try his best. “I was there in the room, you know. I know that Shiro was being a dick, and I know that you didn’t deserve what he did to you.”

 

Keith chuckled dryly. “That’s just the thing. If I had just told all of you how I was feeling, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place. I would still be able to see, you wouldn’t be mad at Shiro, Shiro wouldn’t be mad at you. I’m just driving everyone apart-“

 

“That’s not what’s going on and you know it-“

 

“Do I know it?” Keith yelled. “Because right now, I really  _ don’t.” _

 

Lance’s voice turned cold, which he probably shouldn’t have done. “Somehow, I  _ know  _ that you know. You’re dumb if you don’t.”

 

Lance got up and was about to leave, when Keith grabbed his wrist. 

 

“Please,” he said in barely a whisper. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me here alone.” 

 

Lance looked to the door, then back at Keith. He wanted to stay mad, he really did. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. He couldn’t stay mad at Keith, not ever, not now. Making his choice in his mind, Lance spoke. “Okay.”

 

Keith bit his lip and laid back down. “I was asleep before you came in, but now I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep again.”

 

Lance laid down next to him. “Just try. I’ll try too.”

 

They both laid there, pretending to be asleep to not concern the other. Lance thought Keith went to sleep, and he couldn’t fall asleep. That was okay though. He was just fine laying there next to him. 

 

——————————————————————-

 

Keith woke up to Lance next to him. He was content with that fact for a moment, until he remembered what had happened the prior day. Shiro was right, Keith was too withdrawn from the team. It was his fault for all of the current team problems. It seemed like everyone was mad at someone, whether it be Keith, Shiro, or Lance. Everyone was mad, and you could cut the tension with a fork, not even a knife. 

 

Everything was crumbling, and Keith needed to find a way to fix it. But how? He had already made things so bad that people weren’t talking to one another. He shouldn’t intervene again, or else he might make everything so bad that things couldn’t be fixed. He decided to get up, so he tried to get out of bed without waking Lance. It was difficult because Lance was on the outside of the bed, and Keith was near the wall. Keith was able to climb over Lance and onto the bare floor. 

 

He picked up his metal water bottle, and promptly fumbled and dropped it. It made a clang sound against the floor, and Keith cringed. So much for not waking up Lance. He stirred until he finally sat up all the way. “Keith?” He asked. 

 

Keith looked to the water bottle then back up at Lance. “Yeah?”

 

Lance blinked before running a hand through his hair. Which. Cute. “What are you doing?”

 

Keith shrugged. “I was going to get my water bottle and get up, but I accidentally dropped it. Sorry I woke you. I won’t do it again.”

 

“No- I don’t care about being woken up. I just wanted to know where you were going,” Lance explained. 

 

Keith picked up the water bottle. “Well, now I’m going to go get water. ¿Quieres ir?”

 

Lance stood up. “You know Spanish?”

 

Lance looked so excited. “Yeah,” Keith confirmed. “I took it in high school. I was pretty bad at it though.”

 

Lance smirked. “I’m sure you weren’t that bad. How much do you know?”

 

Keith bit his lip and looked up, as if that would help him remember. “Uh, not much. I know how to hold a basic conversation? Kind of. Not really, but I did three years worth.”

 

Lance clapped his hands. “We must have a conversation then! In Spanish! I don’t care if you’re bad at it.”

 

Keith rolled his eyes playfully and opened the door to his room. He and Lance made their way down the hall, talking about their favorite animals in Spanish. Lance was being nice, they seemed to drop the whole rivalry thing. At least for now they did. Keith was grateful for that, he could use an actual friend who wasn’t competing against him all the time. 

 

Once they arrived at the kitchen, Keith could hear someone inside. His stomach immediately dropped, and he turned cold. He forgot about other people for a second or two. Now he was stopped in his tracks, and Lance was looking back at him in confusion. Keith didn’t want to tell Lance to fill his water bottle for him, but he  _ really  _ didn’t want to go talk to someone. 

 

Lance was saying something. Keith focused on that. “-good?”

 

Keith has missed the whole sentence. Great. “What was that? Sorry, I completely zoned out for a minute or two.”

 

Lance cocked his head to the side and smiled. “I asked if you were okay. You just stopped.”

 

Keith bit his lip again. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

 

Lance raised his eyebrow. “You don’t want to talk to anyone, do you?”

 

Keith didn’t respond, but Lance had got his answer. Lance picked up the water bottle and marched into the kitchen. Keith sighed in relief and leaned against the wall. He could hear Lance having a small conversation with Hunk in the kitchen. He wondered how that was going. While Lance was in the kitchen, Keith felt someone tap on his shoulder. He tried to run away from it, in case it was a predator or something of the like, but he could. 

 

Pidge was pulling Keith towards her. Keith knew this because the figure was so short. She was surprisingly strong for her size, so Keith swung right back around and faced her. He think he faced her at least. She had to spin him around so he was looking at her, even though he couldn’t see. 

 

“Where have you been hiding all this time? Your room?” She asked. 

 

Keith nodded, but did not say anything. Maybe coming out of his room wasn’t such a good idea. 

 

“We’re all glad you’re back, you know,” she continued. 

 

Keith looked up at her. “I know.”

 

Pidge crosses her arms. She raised an eyebrow. “If you say so. Look, what Shiro did-“

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Keith cut her off. 

 

Pidge sighed. “I know. I just don’t want you hiding yourself in your room for eternity, which now does not seem to be the case.”

 

Lance suddenly walked out of the kitchen, water bottle full. “Hey Keith, sorry it took so long,” he looked up and noticed Pidge standing there. “Oh, hey Pidge, I thought you were working on making some science-y thing, Hunk told me about it.”

 

Pidge nodded. “I am. I just took a break and saw Keith here, I wanted to ask him how he was doing.”

 

“And he said…?”

 

Pidge chuckled. “Ask him yourself if you really want to know. He’s standing right there.”

 

Lance did not, however, ask how Keith was doing. Instead he linked arms with Keith and dragged him back to his room. Keith shot Pidge a quick goodbye as they went. 

 

“What was that for?” Keith asked once they reached the room. 

 

Lance shrugged. “Don’t know. Didn’t want to stay and find out. Just wanted to go back to your room.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because…” Lance trailed off. 

 

“Because?” Keith asked. 

 

“Because I want to talk to you,” Lance finished. 

 

Oh. That was happening. Keith thought Lance had forgotten about that stuff that happened in the lion. He did not want to do that, but Lance was probably going to make him do it anyway. Keith would spare everyone the details of what happened in that room, but essentially, he and Lance talked. Keith told Lance what Lotor did exactly, and Lance said he would kill Lotor for it. They both fell asleep next to each other for the second time, except this time they were both comfortable with each other. 

 

Lance was still pissed about what Shiro had done. Keith was still getting over what Shiro had done. They both had their own troubles to work through, but this time, they had each other to help. 

 

Keith was still overwhelmed with everything going on around him. He didn’t know what to think, or even what to do. He knew that the team loved him, he just didn’t know how to show that he knew. He would eventually figure that out. 

 

Lance, well. Although being pissed at both Shiro and Lotor, he was overall glad. He was glad to have Keith back, and he was glad that they could work everything out. 

 

Together, they both knew, that they could do it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, that was a wild ride. Thanks to everyone for reading. 
> 
> Come bother me again on tumblr for the epilogue - applepieforforever 
> 
> Thanks for reading and I love you guys sm!! Only one more chapter :,) (like Voltron in two weeks ayyyy. not prepared to lose this show but completely prepared to lose the fandom)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> My tumblr - applepieforforever
> 
> <3
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day!


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